Sunday, April 7, 2019

A Busy Morning of Nothing

Coffee and cozy in my snug. 

Listening to birds chirp as neon, baby green leaves have begun to camo my home again for the Spring. I rest watching a busy mockingbird bound across the lawn with a beak full of freshly cut twigs gambling on if it can add just one more in its mouth. This ambitious bird has a huge dream-nest vision and visits a few times.

After its final launch, a salsa cardinal lands on my fence and calls out to his love who is grooming while balancing the electrical line above. The morning is busy with activity...and I'm so thankful to be a bystander.

Thursday, April 4, 2019

Are You A Seeker?

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Seeker - noun; A person who is attempting to find or obtain something. One that seeks to discover, inquire, endeavor.

I've always been a seeker. I want to know people, their perspectives and their experiences. Lately, I've begun enjoying new speakers and philosophers like Sadhguru, often referred to as an Indian Yogi, and Gaur Gopal Das, the former Hewlett Packard engineer turned Indian lifestyle coach and motivational speaker. Thanks to my new Google mini, I've been connecting to a larger source of outside news and science reports as I get ready for work in the morning.

I've been reflecting a ton on a recent short segment I heard from, "Curiosity Daily." The segment in this link shared about how our human networks changes how we think. Basically, the people we surround ourselves with modify how we see the world. As a result, if we are only getting our information or news from our immediate social network, then we are getting a slanted view.

Yesterday, I came across an interview video of storyteller and futurist, Jason Silva, by Vishen Lakhiani. I enjoy listening to these deep thinkers talk, share, and provide their different perspectives. One true quote I heard was that, "once a mind is stretch by an idea, it never returns to it's original position." Seekers like to have their minds stretched. I don't always agree but I'm inspired quite often to reach outside myself and my immediate social group to experience a richer thought life.

In the interview, they spoke about many topics that are worth a listen:
  • Nationalism
  • Socialism verses social democracy
  • Being a "Wonder Junkie"
  • The Search 
  • Flow and humans as "infovours"
  • The Venn diagram - science and art intersecting in wonder
You may ask yourself, "But should a Christina listen to views that maybe opposite of what they currently believe?" The answer is yes. Don't just stay around a specific social network all the time. Learn about people. Learn about how they think. Stop being so scared. When you are open to others' thoughts and experiences, often they are open to you and what you share.

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Tuesday, November 27, 2018

A Midlife Crisis

A Midlife Crisis. *ominous music* 

Ironically, most read those words and think of a middle aged man buying a fast car and dating a woman half his age but what few people discuss is that women have to hurdle middle age too. Disappointingly, there's not a ton of helpful articles for women on this topic and I know because I've needed them. This year, at age 44, I've been going through mine! You may wonder, "How did you first realize this was happening?" My friend, I could almost peg the exact month I realized this had hit me full force. (April 2018) You may then question, "Does everyone go through the same things?" No, but don't let that fool you. Just as it's hard to convince a teen of the brevity of life, it's hard to acknowledge that we might not soar through midlife like an eagle but I'm sharing because I don't want you to hit the mountain with a hard thud of confusion when you get here. "Maybe I will be the one completely prepared and unaffected," you say? Best of luck with that.

I'll go ahead and be a woman who will admit that middle age is tough. I have to do this for my daughter. She just walked in, saw what I was typing and said, "You are going through a midlife crisis?" I hugged her with a chuckle and said, "Yes, you didn't realize?" Actually, that makes sense because thinking back no one ever sat me down to prepare me that in my forties I'd come to the realization that I've probably lived over half my life. So what are the "symptoms"? Well, so far: My body aches in the morning, my memory slips more, I've made rash (horrible) decisions and I've felt rather blah except during those times, if you'll pardon my language, that I'm extremely pissed off (which is quite often and completely different from just feeling anger). I crave deep intelligent conversations but can't find anyone to have them with so I end up watching the same shows over, and over, and over again that inspire me. Honestly, I can barely get a date with a guy in their late 30's to 40's but this year twenty year old's are hitting on me like crazy!! (Which is tempting and stupid.) What are some others? Well I did find one list:

Article written by an author named Sherry:
  • Looking into the mirror and no longer recognize yourself.
  • Desiring to quit a good job.
  • Unexplained bouts of depression when doing tasks that used to make you happy.
  • Changing or investigating new religions, churches or new age philosophy.
  • Change of habits. Activities which used to bring pleasure now are boring.
  • Unable to complete or concentrate on tasks which used to be easy.
  • Wanting to run away from everything.
  • Irritability or unexpected anger.
  • Desire for physical movement (Running, Biking, Dance, Fast red sports cars, Sky diving, etc).
  • Sudden desire to learn how to play an instrument.
  • Sudden interest in drawing, painting, writing books or poetry.
  • Shifting sleep patterns (Typically to less).
  • Thinking about death, wondering about the nature of death.
  • Excessively buying new clothes and taking more time to look good.
  • Hair changes. (Natural changes in thickness, luster, color and desire to look younger)
  • A desire to surround yourself with different settings.
  • Hanging out with a different generation as their energy and ideas stimulate you.
  • Restarting things, which you dropped 20 years earlier.
  • Upset at where society is going. Experience a desire to change the world for the better.
  • Feeling trapped or tied down by fiscal responsibilities.
  • Leaving (Mentally or Physically) family or feeling trapped in current family relationships.
  • Desiring a simple life.
  • Excessively looking back to one’s childhood.
  • Keep re-asking yourself: “Where am I going with my life?”
  • Getting fixated on new “wonder” solutions to problems.
  • Doing things that get you into trouble when it surprises everyone as being out of character.
  • Someone unexpectedly exclaims: “You are going through a midlife crisis!”
  • Experiencing extreme stress: Changing Jobs, Divorce, Death of someone close

  • Life is weird at middle age so I've had to ask myself how am I going to deal with it and move through it? Time for a huge pep talk? Ugh, no. Time for acknowledging some honest feelings while hanging in there with much patience and self forgiveness. Recently, I came across this poem I shared before by David Walcott called Love after Love which encourages those things in me. These words remind me to love myself, be kind and patient with my middle-aged self, and know that this is NOT an unusual place to's just that most people don't talk about it. But the time will come when you will experience the depths of this thing called midlife and then...

    The time will come when, 
    with elation 
    you will greet yourself arriving at your own door, 
    in your own mirror 
    and each will smile at the other's welcome, and say, sit here. Eat.
    You will love again the stranger who was your self.
    Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart 
    to itself, to the stranger who has loved you all your life, 
    whom you ignored for another, 
    who knows you by heart. 
    Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
    the photographs, the desperate notes, 
    peel your own image from the mirror. 
    Sit. Feast on your life.
    - Love After Love

    If you like poetry and contemplative works, I highly recommend David Whyte's, Midlife and the Great Unknown: Finding Courage and Clarity Through Poetry. His deep, calm voice uses bits of poetry and personal story which has inspired me and comforted.