Monday, December 1, 2014

Scriptures for a New Mom

Today is exactly three weeks until we finalize the adoption! I find myself all excited and nervous at the same time. I'm a first time mom and I feel the weight of responsibility as a single mom by choice because really...I don't know what I'm doing! Ha. Seriously, I do question sometimes if I'm even relying on God enough, am I sharing about God enough, am I making this time special for her, am I in tune with her needs and hurts, her desires and I being a good momma? 

Also, I'm ready to get back to a somewhat "normal" routine for me. My daughter and I have established one for us but in my hours when she is at school it's full of work - and a call from CPS, next an email from my adoption agency, but it's the 1st of the month so all my foster/adoption monthly paperwork needs to get completed and emailed and oh, that reminds me, I've got to send that signed paperwork back to the lawyer but first there was something really important I needed to do...oh yeah, pay BILLS! Yikes. What a whirlwind! This little paragraph does it no justice for the outsider.

Thank you Jesus for putting it on my friend's heart, Angie, to send me this little reminder of scriptures below! It's helping me out today. Let's face it, adoption is a HUGE step! And not just for my daughter but for me I know I need to chill out some and rest in God (even in my ability to rest in God - LOL). 

Besides just getting off the phone with my friend Esther and talking through some of my other emotions, something else that's been helping is the example Katie sets in her book called, "Kisses from Katie." I am always moved at how much Katie gushes as a new mom about her new foster-to-adopt daughters. Today I feel the need to follow her example and remind myself what an amazing young lady God's placed in my life.

My sweet girl: She's got such a heart of perseverance! She feels emotions deeply and likes to take care of others. She does small things all the time to show her love (like putting a Zip-Lock bag of dark chocolate covered espresso beans in my purse this morning as a surprise). She's a smart young woman who does great in school (just 3 points shy of all A's) and is competitive in the type of way that makes her successful but doesn't overpower others. She enjoys ALL kinds of animals and has shown extreme patience as she's tried to befriend our shy cat, Manna. The other day he let her hold him like a baby! She's the only other one besides me who has ever had that privilege.

One thing I really enjoy about her is her intense desire to laugh. She cracks herself up all the time. We laugh and have begun having inside jokes and routines which are beyond special! She is playful, caring and has a child-like nature that is completely endearing. My daughter is super creative and crafty (DIY - she is currently making Christmas ornaments that are sequin pokemon balls) and if reading was an Olympic sport, I know she would blow the competition away.

I very much admire all the times she is open about her day, her dreams, her thoughts and her hurts. Any tear that she sheds is so special to me because I know she does not have to be that vulnerable with me...but when she shares her emotions I know that she's made the decision to trust my love. Not many young people at her age (sweet 16) carry that kind of openness, especially after dealing with the foster care system. It makes me understand more deeply the specialness of Psalm 56:8 as to why my own tears are so special to my God. He knows we don't have to be vulnerable so when we choose to open our hearts and emotions to Him of course they would be special to Him too! God has blessed her with a fun, light spirit and He has blessed me with her! As my friend put it in a text today, having her as my daughter is my "destiny." :)

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Adoption - It Is Time!!

Psalm 16:8 - I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.

Dear Readers,

Please forgive my short break from blogging. I've been praying, fasting, seeking advice, reading, experiencing, laughing, crying, training and doing much soul searching for the past 4.5 months and this has allowed me very little time for blogging creatively.  Ah motherhood! :)

And is time. I made the decision yesterday to start the formal process of adopting my new 15 yr. old daughter. It's hard to believe she moved in with me just a short time ago from foster care. I was pretty certain that adoption would be the outcome but as I prayed previously, I didn't get the impression that I should move forward just yet. 

At first this was scary and confusing!!! I didn't understand the feeling or why the Spirit was not giving the green light but I got surrendered that I needed to wait. After becoming okay with waiting, suddenly it became clear that I needed to wait until I had read the CPS file. My agency specialist and I bugged CPS for 8 weeks then finally, yesterday...I received it and finished reading it! It took me 1 hr per each large binder to read through all the paperwork.

So last night, over pizza and watching Mickey Mouse in french, my girl and I sat at the table (by her request) and discussed adoption in full. I told her I wanted to adopt her and asked if she would like this? Would she like to consider me as her family...her forever family? She said YES with the most beautiful smile - I will never forget it!

My daughter is kind, full of joy, rambunctious, thoughtful and smart as a whip! What a blessing she's been to me. All the ways she encourages me, spends time with me, and loves up on me is a treasure. :) We also talked about the options she has concerning her name. She decided she wants to take my last name and keep her bio dad's family name as her middle name. That makes me so happy I can't even express! :D

Next steps?
I'm guessing tons more paperwork, stress, excitement, and challenges. It may be that my girl and I experience some fear: fear of the "bottom dropping out" or nerves about the future, but I will continue towards trusting God and I have faith in Him. My hope is that in some way I can also steel in her heart and mind this trust and faith too! My Lord has brought us a long way. A long way! 
 This is me and my daughter 

May our story make Him happy and encourage people towards Him. I pray others consider adopting too... especially a teen!

WE COULD STILL USE PRAYERS! Please pray for God to protect us during this process, for no barriers to pop up, and for much open communication, happiness and laughter during this time in our lives which we are certain to never forget. 

ps. I'm also praying that one of the photographers who donate sessions to adoption families will become available to capture this special event once everything is set! 

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Waiting and Growing

Lately I've been reading a new blog during my Coffee & Cozy times with God. Today's entry from "She Reads Truth" hit a cord with my heart because it's about waiting. I got a ping on my heart with the sentence the author wrote ...

"The waiting isn’t just the hardest part, it’s the growing part." 

As Sarah Mathey continued sharing about her own waiting story of adopting, she shared, "We should think of the waiting as our labor pains. The contractions are getting stronger, closer together, more and more painful, the longer the process continues. While we are waiting, we are changing– [God's] changing us in the waiting.

This season in life is both exciting and challenging. Since my whole routine flipped upside down in May, I don't feel as close to God as I did when it was just me in the house. I think I've been fighting to find my "way back" instead of waiting and simply growing into the fresh relationship that God seems to be trying to develop as I build a family. Also, right now I'm waiting for the Spirit to move and watching like an Israelite who keeps their eye on the pillar of cloud and that's okay too. I tend to be a 'planner' and sometimes a "rusher" so this waiting is good for me.

What is going on in your life right now? Is there a season of waiting? Maybe you are waiting for a result, an open/closed door, healing, freedom, help, or direction. If so, please know you are not alone. May you find comfort that Jesus loves you. And just maybe he is speaking words to you, like he did the winds and the waves, "Peace, be still!' [Mark 4:39]

May you find this peace in your wait.