Wooing Men?

Wooing - It's the action of trying to gain the love of someone. Typically, this word is used when a man is 'pursuing' a woman in whom he has a romantic interest. Yet, there has been a huge shift. Many women now are trying to woo men.

I see women working hard to 'show' guys what a great wife they would be if they were chosen. I've seen them cooking for men, washing their clothes, going on vacations with them, and rushing to hang out with men at a drop of a hat when he suddenly calls or sends a text out of the blue. Usually I see this with women who are dating but I have seen it in women who aren't even dating the guy. You've seen it, I've seen it and honestly, in the past, I know I've done it.

Let me continue to pull no punches and write that for Christian women, it's the equivalent of the old saying, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" We don't give sex...we give service in an effort to woo. And what happens as a result? Men get lazy and women get hurt. Sadly, it is a hurt we cause ourselves though.

In Ruth 3:10 Boaz says to Ruth, “The LORD bless you, my daughter,” he replied. “This kindness is greater than that which you showed earlier: You have not run after the younger men, whether rich or poor.

When you pray next, you might ask God:

• Lord, do I chase after men?
• Am I wooing them to prove myself?
• Do I try to mask it by saying, 'I'm only trying to encourage my brother!'?

On a wider scale, we might even try to woo our dads into seeing we are really good daughters or try to woo our boss (if he's a guy) that we are the best employee ever. Often it is tough to see our own motives, that's why prayer and asking others about it is great! Many times we run to woo men instead of being secure in God, being still and trusting Him.

Now we know I'm not writing about simply being nice, subtly showing your interest in him or encouraging every once in a while. For years and years now, I've been trying to share non-settling tips with my sisters. Most single women disagree with me even though the tips I've learned have been shared with me by men! I recently read two blog articles by a husband & his wife called Real Men Don't Text: The Lost Art of Chivalry" & "Real Women Don't Text Back." Their writing is more edgy - just an FYI - but worth a read.

Sadly, many women will keep wooing until they get fed up & wise up or unfortunately get bitter towards men. Am I an expert? Well, I am if you consider the 19+ years of 'wooing' I did in all my dating relationships. You might say, "But I'm so lonely..." and I'd have to respond with the true and simple lyrics from a song in the 80's, "Owner of a lonely heart, ooh, much better than an owner of a broken heart." Darling, don't settle and don't forget your worth in Christ! Please consider: turning a brother down for a date where his notice is short (like the day before or day of!), do not build a 'text' relationship, don't over give in your encouragement or your time, let him lead out in building your friendship, and for goodness sakes - stop doing his dishes!

picture from: http://www.elsaelsa.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/women-chasing-men.jpg

Mother's Day Ideas

May is the month we celebrate mothers! Whether your mom is still here with you, lives far away or if she has passed away, there are ways to celebrate her and the life she gave you! I always need to get an early start on creative ideas so I thought I'd go ahead and post this now.

Celebrating Mom's memory: Below are some ideas from friends whose momma has passed away. I really appreciate them for being vulnerable and sharing their input and suggestions. A special word of wisdom from one friend said, "The main thing for me is it helps to be able to talk freely and openly about my mom. I would just encourage them to be real, because even if there is sadness there is usually so many more funny beautiful memories there."

• One young woman said she will spend time serving single moms by watching their children and giving them some time to recharge
• Do something that you know your mom enjoyed (examples: riding a bike, going for a hike, reading a book, work in the garden, go get your nails done..whatever brought her joy)
• Donate to a cause your mother supported or volunteer there. For the day make Mom's passion your passion.
• If you know a mom who has lost their child, bring her flowers or ask to treat her to lunch or a movie. You're totally not trying to replace their child but just encourage them and lift them up.
• Buy your mom's favorite flowers and place them in your home or plant them in a container at your house. Cook your mom's favorite meal or watch a movie she enjoyed.
• Write down all the things you know your mom would be proud of in your life at this very moment! Or write a letter to your mom and send it into the sky tied to a balloon.
• Call a nursing facility and ask if there is a woman that needs encouragement or who doesn't get many visitors and bring her flowers.

Appreciating Mom's who are nearby:

• Special Day/Weekend together: I've invited my mom into town (the weekend after Mother's Day) to have a Mother/Daughter Healthy Weekend. For about two weeks now we've been looking for brand new, healthy recipes to try! Our plan is to get together, shop for the ingredients and spend the day bonding over cooking & trying new meals. Then we are going to be crafty and both put together a healthy cookbook. We might also get pedicures and have a tea party in my back yard *grin*
• Create a special box: Click these links for posts that include the Travel Box for Mom *voted one of my best mom's day gifts ever,* Ideas using Mason Jars, and other Decorative Box ideas.
• Homemade card or gift: Make her a gift or card no matter how old you are. Homemade is always special to mom...pour your heart out with words of affection and love too! Consider making her something she can take to work for encouragement.
• Celebrity mom: Have you ever 'interviewed' your mom? Get out a camera and ask your mom some questions. Try to keep it short (5-min). Have fun and get to know your mom a little better. Write your own or ask some suggested questions I found from the CNNi website:

1. What's your favorite part about being a mom?
2. What's the most challenging thing about being a mom?
3. Share a memory of your mother.
4. How did your mom influence how you approach being a mother?
5. Tell me two things I don’t know about you.

• Pictures: Have a mug or puzzle made with a picture of the family together. Or take funny photos you've posted on facebook and make her a fun little album.
• Photo shoot: Find a photographer who is just starting out (usually less expensive that way) and have a photo shoot with mom. This works great especially if you have brothers & sisters. Or...just do it yourself! One time my mom and I went outside on a pretty day and took pictures of ourselves around the house. We had a great time!

 

• Start a new Mother's Day tradition: like running in a marathon together, spend a mother/daughter evening at local B&B, visit an annual flower festival or take a cooking class each year.
• Be Sentimental: Try giving her a long hug. I'm serious...you might be surprised how much it means to her! Sing her a kids song. Write her a poem and recite it. Paint her a picture.
• Find interesting gifts. Select these links to see examples: Flowerhead vase, fun recycled gifts, or from one of my favorite 'go to' sites... inexpensive organic artisan chocolates (highly recommend!)
• Don't forget your grandmothers...they are mothers too! Consider doing an activity or gift that includes generations of women if possible or even organize the largest family gathering you can for a family photo. You might also get a photograph of all the grandchildren and great grandchildren together for a picture.  

Long Distance Mom: If your mom isn't within driving distance or you can't make it home for the holiday here are some ideas for you:

• Do a card slam. A card on mother's day is nice but consider "slamming" her mailbox with cards. You could do one each day of the week with the nicest one arriving on her special day. You could also send her one on mother's day and surprise her when she gets a few in the days to follow. Maybe in each one you can share something about her that means a lot to you. *variation - you can do this with phone calls too
• Send a Mother/Daughter letter writing set (click the link to see it) and start writing each other. Don't forget "forever" stamps...it makes letter sending SO much easier. ha.
• Write a thank you letter listing out items for which you are thankful. Some examples could be: for being a good example, for your sense of adventure, your support during ____, for your patience and discipline when I needed it...etc. Then frame it and send it to your mom.
• Set up manicure, hair appointment, or day of pampering for you mom at her local spa or resort.
• Unique flowers. Please send your mom flowers sometimes. My mom and grandma really enjoy these special deliveries. I look for unique arrangements. For example, have a corsage or wristlet delivered so she can wear it to church or out to lunch/dinner. Consider sending her a flower puppy. This one below was a huge hit when I sent it. Go with an exotic flower, tons of her favorite flowers, or if you choose roses try selecting the ones with floods of color. Also, consider sending her a blooming plant...like a rose bush or gardenia flower bush because these will last longer.

'Mom, when thoughts of you are in our hearts, we are never far from home'.
~Author Unknown

'On Mother's Day I have written a poem for you. In the interest of poetic economy and truth, I have succeeded in concentrating my deepest feelings and beliefs into two perfectly crafted lines: You're my mother, I would have no other!' ~Forest Houtenschil

How to Hear God

Wow, this is a tough and touchy subject but one I want to attempt to tackle. I'm often asked, "How do I know what God wants me to do?" or "How can I be sure that the decision I make is the direction God wants me to go?" I can relate to those questions.

When I was interviewing to go on a mission team, I remember asking some more mature disciples those very questions. Two of them answered in unique ways and I still to this day find comfort and guidance in their words.

A woman shared that basically, "You study it out if you can in the bible, pray and ask God, seek advice and then it comes down to trust. You learn to trust that because you've done things God's way...He will bless the decision and guide you." The guy shared that "you consider all the reasons both positive and negative then push them to the side. After that, what does your 'gut' tell you to do? Go with that because that's the Spirit talking to you."

Interesting, huh? I probably do a combination of those. I read the bible, pray, seek advice from God and spiritual disciples, then after weighing the good and bad, I toss them to the side, make a decision and trust God.

How about some scriptures? :) I'll provide a few for meditation:

Galatians 5:25 says, "Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit."

Romans 8:26-28 "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

1 Thessalonians 5:17-19 "...pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. Do not quench the Spirit."

John 14:15-18 Jesus says, “If you love me, you will obey what I command. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever - the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you." then in verses 25-27, “All this I have spoken while still with you. But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

There are many scriptures but these are some of the first I turn to because they have a lot of focus on the Spirit. You might be curious and bold enough to ask, "Do you hear God's voice?" For me the answer is well... yes, God talks to me through His scriptures. Verses always come up while I'm praying. (so be in your bible!) In fact, even today God answered with a verse while praying about this post. More about that in a bit...

It's hard to describe to someone else how I discern the Spirit and God can communicate with us differently. I'll start basic with how I detect the Spirit and you can pray from there. Reflect on these situations for a moment:

• If you are a baptized disciple of Jesus, then you probably know what it's like to feel 'drawn' to someone with whom you should share your faith. What takes place within you?
• When you read a scripture or hear the word preached and you 'feel' or experience within you being cut, convicted, or overwhelmingly inspired! 
• What about when you are watching or listening to something that's not pleasing to God? Recall what you experience inside? In a lot of ways, I call that grieving the Holy Spirit.

All those situations are the best way I can describe the Spirit moving. I try to notice similar feelings of being 'drawn' when making a decision and I listen for God's words through scriptures.

Being confident in your God: As I mentioned before, I was praying this morning about this post when a verse came to mind. Specifically, I was thinking about a time when leaders in a sister congregation challenged a sister's a decision by saying, "I don't think that's what the Spirit would want...Did you actually hear God's voice telling you what to do?" I was reflecting on this and asking God, "Lord, what leg do we have to stand on when we know a decision is from You but others don't think it is the wisest or best one? How can I be confident when accused that my decision isn't guided by your Spirit because it doesn't make sense to them?" As always, God brought a scripture to mind through the Spirit while I prayed....Matthew 4:1. Which also lead to others (Mark 1:12, Luke 4:1), Acts 11:1-14, Acts 16:7 or especially in Acts 20:23 when it is written, "I only know that in every city the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me."

So why did God put Matthew 4:1 on my heart this morning while I was praying? Because it doesn't seem wise for Jesus to follow the Spirit and go to the desert to be tempted by the devil! Or during the time when Acts was written, it didn't make sense to others for Peter to go and eat with uncircumcised men like God had told him to. Sometimes the direction we as individuals hear God sending us doesn't make sense to others...or even us! We know it didn't feel comfortable for Paul to know that prison and hardship was facing him as he made decisions guided by God. Not to mention, unmarried Mary carrying the Christ or the disciples dropping everything to follow him. Not easy! Doesn't make sense in our minds!

I've learned that the direction God sends us is not always going to be the easy way, the most comfortable, or the simplest. Some don't think a decision is from God if it's unsafe, a hard road, or not a task that the church is currently doing. If you think that God's going to always, always put you on a smooth road together, watch out and consider...is that really what you see happening in the bible? We must get surrendered when asking which way God wants us to go that we might not like it and it might not make ANY sense others.

As fellow believers, who are called to love one another, we must learn to trust God and be okay that we don't understand why the Spirit might be calling other people to different decisions - even ones we don't see as best. The fact is the direction God sends them might not even be bad...it might just be different than the rest of us. We all know that just because it's different doesn't mean they are not being unified or are wrong. This is where being confident in God should strongly take over. (much tougher, I know)

I could write more but I don't want the post to become a novel. HA. I just want to share my own experiences and give you something to consider, study, and pray about over the next few days. And...as I do with many of my close friends, I am praying that God will help you to discern His will, His Holy Spirit, and that you will be able to hear Him more and more with every passing day.

I Forgive...Me!

Something I've been struggling with lately is being super hard on myself. I've seen my perfectionism come out over the past few weeks. If I 'mess up' even the smallest thing, my inner monologue toward myself dwells on it. Really, these mistakes are barely 'mess ups' but when I don't do things as well as I think I should...ouch.

We often focus on the forgiveness we extend to others and receive from them and the forgiveness of God but lately I've been talking to people about their process of 'forgiving' themselves. If you have any thoughts, please comment.

A friend from church the other day shared something he does while praying through the Lord's prayer. When he gets to the section in Matthew 6:11-12, "Give us today the food we need, and forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us," he'll take a moment to forgive himself.

I think this is lovely so I've started doing it as well. I really desire to have a clear heart so I can focus on God. I don't want my harshness or critical attitude toward myself to get in the way of thinking about God. And let's face it, when I'm being hateful toward me...I'm not thinking of God!! Besides, I already have an enemy (boo-satan) and I sure don't need two!

I just recently wrote a note that I keep at my desk saying, "I do not have to be perfect. I will never do everything right." A picture I saw once that fits this sentiment well has the quote, "In Jesus, I am enough." I also saw suggestions from others of writing yourself a forgiveness letter because this can help those of us who are visual and writers. It's been good to talk to others and see that I'm not the only one who has this struggle.

Making amends. Reconciliation. This is the heart of God and I'm seeing that those very things are just what we need to extend to ourselves sometimes..

Hospitality

"When you entertain, you bring honor and glory to yourself. Showing hospitality brings honor and glory to God."

The topic of hospitality has been on my mind lately and for a lot of reasons. Just recently my neighbor across the street brought me a meal (enough for a small army) and a wonderful women in my life often invites me over for dinner with her family. (thanks Robin!)

When I first became a Christian, I heard about hospitality a lot in my fellowship. I even have a book with ideas, recommendations about hosting different cultures, and recipes. :) I've seen many great examples in my life of women who 'glow' in the area of hospitality...after all, being in the South...you just grow up into 'Southern Hospitality'. But I want to make sure that my Southern Hospitality is Biblical Hospitality. And I don't just want to know it...I want to PRACTICE it. *grin*

Defined: hospitality is...

1. the friendly reception and treatment of guests or strangers.
2. the quality or disposition of receiving and treating guests and strangers in a warm, friendly, generous way.

The bible says:

Romans 12:13
Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

Hebrews 13:2
Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.

1 Peter 4:9
Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.

Often I think of hospitality as having people into my home...and it can be...but really, it's more of an attitude of my heart toward strangers and friends. The 'strangers' part...well, I really need to pray to have that heart and live those scriptures out...especially at work. How about you?

Lord, help me grow and bloom in this area! I want to have a disposition of the heart to be full of warmth, friendliness, and generosity. Thru Jesus Christ, Amen. To help me, I was looking at the thesaurus for some other words to give me a wider picture. The ones that stood out to me are: cheer, companionship, comradeship, consideration, friendliness, generosity, good cheer, heartiness, hospitableness, sociability, warmth, & welcome.

So my decision is to pray about this and look for areas where I can show a heart of hospitality toward friends and strangers by putting it into practice. Please pray for me :)

The quote above is from this short article that I thought was great! Click here to read: "Hospitality vs. Entertaining".

Ideas- Bonding & Building Your Friendships

Jesus loved deeply so I imagine his times with friends were interesting, fun and with a heart to build memories. Since my thoughts have been on friendship this week, I thought I'd share some ideas of things to do with your 'bestie' to build memories. Most of these I've done in the past and loved! So grab a friend with your prayerful hand and get creative!  


Movie Insider: create an activity based on a movie you both enjoy. Make costumes, hats, really dress the part and set up a time to watch the movie. Here's an example of me and one of my friends in our homemade 'yaya' hats.

Vacation/Staycation Together: This doesn't have to cost much money. It just takes a tiny bit of planning to enjoy the next town over or experience something in town you've never done before. How about giving a cute B&B a try? Travel sites run plenty of last minute deals. Decide to both save some money, decide what weekend to go, then at the last minute look for a hotel. Skeptical? My friend and I did this and ended up staying in a 5-star hotel for only $99 a night. That's just a little over $50 each to stay in one of the fancy hotels in our area! Seriously.

Spa Night: Probably something you've done before but I like to encourage these. There are few things as bonding as grown women staying up late into the night swapping stories and beauty tips.

Local Activities: Go biking together in a park. Grab you best gal pal and try out the newest gym in the neighborhood. Fancy restaurant you've always wanted to try? Then invite your best friend. Here's a picture of my friend and I enjoying the IMAX theater at the local museum one night after work. (thus the smurfy photo tone) LOL

Serve Those in Need: Decide to encourage together! Volunteer together. Have a 'girls lunch' to make cards for the homeless to encourage them or to write letters to women staying a local women's shelter. Take brownies to the local fire department, police station, or maybe even the night staff at the ER to thank them for all their hard work.

The Closet: One weekend have your friend come over and help you go through your closet. Get advise on new ways to put outfits together, or how to accessorize, or what to give away. Later make plans to go to her place to do the same. Nothing like bonding over fashion.

Say Cheese! Grab a disposable camera, grab your best friend and go outside and take pictures. It's great in the Springtime! Go to inspiring parks, wide open fields of flowers, local lakes. Then drop the camera off at some place that has one-hour development, as for double prints and take off for lunch/dinner. Pick the pictures up afterwards. I know two ladies in our campus ministry who just did this and posted the pictures on facebook. The photos were beautiful!

Summer fun: One of my favorite memories is sitting in my backyard with one of my best friends, in bathing suits and relaxing in the sprinkler with ice tea during a hot summer day. Or you can go to the pool or a lake close by and chill with a snow cone. This simple activity allows plenty of time for girl talk.

Living Legacy: Plant a friendship tree or maybe some type of perennial flowers to celebrate your friendship. Then on the anniversary each year of the 'planting' think about celebrating with a weekend as friends :)

Afternoon Tea: Spoil yourselves by setting up an afternoon tea with your closest friends. Dress in your fancy cotton dresses, hats, even gloves, and enjoy some tea and simple snacks. Some ideas are strawberries, finger sandwiches, dark chocolates. You can find dainty tea cups at local thrift stores or antique malls for a reasonable cost or invite them to bring their own favorite tea cup :) Too much work? Go to a local antique mall that has a tea room.

Summertime Christmas: Don't wait until the end of the year to celebrate. Turn down the AC, bundle up on the couch and watch Christmas movies. Bake cookies, exchange encouraging cards...it's nice to have the Christmas Spirit and celebrate Christ even when the temperature is blaring hot.

Want more ideas? Check out this amazingly creative site: Girlfriend celebrations.com

The Company You Keep

Bust of Menander

Have you ever heard of Menander? He was a Greek poet and dramatist who was best-known as a representative of Athenian New Comedy. Actually, he was the author of more than a hundred comedies. Would you be surprised to learn that you might have read a quote of his? At least, this is true if you've read the book of 1 Corinthians. Paul quotes Menander when he says, "Bad company corrupts good character."

Ah, friends! It's so important to have good ones. They see you through "the good, the bad, and the ugly" of life. I have been pretty fortunate to have some really good friends, especially over the past few years, who are spiritual, devoted, and loving.

The company you keep is important and it does matter! This is an unchanging fact. Those we choose to give our time to will either lift us up or drag us down. This makes it very valuable to have spiritual friends because good company promotes good character! We need their encouragement and, truth be told, we need to have them call our bluff sometimes. A real friend can do that because they are good company. I have found them to be honest and kind, in their encouragement and in their criticism. For me, my truest friends have their own unique and personal relationships with God. These women, who love God first, tend to love me truest.

Don't get me wrong, I've made a lot of mistakes and chosen wrong friends in the past but I've learned and my life has grown to have some truly deep friendships. They tend to be all over the country now, because God moves them all around, but they are cherished by me just the same.

I guess this is on my heart because my best friend is moving on the 29th of this month to another state. My dear sister, “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”

I'm a better woman, daughter, and disciple of Jesus because of my precious friendships. Dear reader, I pray you'll strive to keep good company...work hard at it...it's worth both your time and energy. Maybe you've not talked to a dear friend lately or maybe it's been a while since you've encouraged your friend that's near...do it now :)

Never wait until life moves you forward.