Today is exactly three weeks until we finalize the adoption! I find myself all excited and nervous at the same time. I'm a first time mom and I feel the weight of responsibility as a single mom by choice because really...I don't know what I'm doing! Ha. Seriously, I do question sometimes if I'm even relying on God enough, am I sharing about God enough, am I making this time special for her, am I in tune with her needs and hurts, her desires and hopes...am I being a good momma?
Also, I'm ready to get back to a somewhat "normal" routine for me. My daughter and I have established one for us but in my hours when she is at school it's full of work - and a call from CPS, next an email from my adoption agency, but it's the 1st of the month so all my foster/adoption monthly paperwork needs to get completed and emailed and oh, that reminds me, I've got to send that signed paperwork back to the lawyer but first there was something really important I needed to do...oh yeah, pay BILLS! Yikes. What a whirlwind! This little paragraph does it no justice for the outsider.
Thank you Jesus for putting it on my friend's heart, Angie, to send me this little reminder of scriptures below! It's helping me out today. Let's face it, adoption is a HUGE step! And not just for my daughter but for me too...so I know I need to chill out some and rest in God (even in my ability to rest in God - LOL).
Besides just getting off the phone with my friend Esther and talking through some of my other emotions, something else that's been helping is the example Katie sets in her book called, "Kisses from Katie." I am always moved at how much Katie gushes as a new mom about her new foster-to-adopt daughters. Today I feel the need to follow her example and remind myself what an amazing young lady God's placed in my life.
My sweet girl: She's got such a heart of perseverance! She feels emotions deeply and likes to take care of others. She does small things all the time to show her love (like putting a Zip-Lock bag of dark chocolate covered espresso beans in my purse this morning as a surprise). She's a smart young woman who does great in school (just 3 points shy of all A's) and is competitive in the type of way that makes her successful but doesn't overpower others. She enjoys ALL kinds of animals and has shown extreme patience as she's tried to befriend our shy cat, Manna. The other day he let her hold him like a baby! She's the only other one besides me who has ever had that privilege.
One thing I really enjoy about her is her intense desire to laugh. She cracks herself up all the time. We laugh and have begun having inside jokes and routines which are beyond special! She is playful, caring and has a child-like nature that is completely endearing. My daughter is super creative and crafty (DIY - she is currently making Christmas ornaments that are sequin pokemon balls) and if reading was an Olympic sport, I know she would blow the competition away.
I very much admire all the times she is open about her day, her dreams, her thoughts and her hurts. Any tear that she sheds is so special to me because I know she does not have to be that vulnerable with me...but when she shares her emotions I know that she's made the decision to trust my love. Not many young people at her age (sweet 16) carry that kind of openness, especially after dealing with the foster care system. It makes me understand more deeply the specialness of Psalm 56:8 as to why my own tears are so special to my God. He knows we don't have to be vulnerable so when we choose to open our hearts and emotions to Him of course they would be special to Him too! God has blessed her with a fun, light spirit and He has blessed me with her! As my friend put it in a text today, having her as my daughter is my "destiny." :)