Resting In Peace: Planning for Your Family

Acts 2:25-27 (NLT) "...‘I see that the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me. No wonder my heart is glad, and my tongue shouts his praises! My body rests in hope.

Can we talk about a topic that is generally uncomfortable yet really a justifiable one to tackle? Well, since both adoptions are now final, it's clearly time for me to get life insurance, create my legal wills and plan funeral arrangements. I know, not the happiest of thoughts, right? BUT as an adult, and especially as a parent, it's simply the responsible thing to do! Did you ever realize there are actually scriptures in the bible where some people did their "funeral planning" ahead of time too? Check this out:

• Genesis 23, Genesis 47:29-30, Genesis 50:5, Genesis 50:25
• 1 Kings 13:30-32

As I look at my children and how much loss they've already experienced in their short lives, the LAST thing I want is for them to experience my passing anytime soon. However, the fact is we simply never know what the future holds. Because of this, my ISTJ personality is constantly bugging me to be diligent to put anything I can in place to protect and support my kids if the unexpected happens.

No matter what age my children actually are when I pass away, they will be going through enough hard emotions and I don't want them to have the added stress of planning or financial worry. Besides, the fact is that setting up guardianship is super important to me and my kids since they've been adopted. My hope is that after reading this other people will go ahead and do their planning too. I'm guessing that married folks often have their spouses to lean on but sometimes singles don't have the same kind of support because maybe parents and siblings don't like to be involved, don't like think about this, or just aren't around. This kind of planning can be overwhelming and weigh heavy so since I just waded through this process I wanted to share the load and hopeful take some of the "where do I begin" feelings away. One of the great things about doing this planning is that once it is done...it's done and you can move on your happy way with nary another reason to revisit unless some huge life event happens.

Things to do: 

Create a Last Will and Living Will:

A last will and testament is a legal document that lets you, the testator (the person making the will), designate individuals or charities to receive your property and possessions when you pass away. These individuals and charities are commonly referred to as beneficiaries in your last will. A last will also allows you to name a guardian to care for minor children. The main purpose of a will is to ensure that the testator's wishes, and not the default laws of the state, will be followed upon the testator's death.
Read more at: http://www.legalzoom.com/personal/estate-planning/last-will-and-testament-overview.html
LegalZoom.com

A last will and testament is a legal document that lets you, the testator (the person making the will), designate individuals or charities to receive your property and possessions when you pass away. These individuals and charities are commonly referred to as beneficiaries in your last will. A last will also allows you to name a guardian to care for minor children. The main purpose of a will is to ensure that the testator's wishes, and not the default laws of the state, will be followed upon the testator's death.
Read more at: http://www.legalzoom.com/personal/estate-planning/last-will-and-testament-overview.html
LegalZoom.com

A last will and testament is a legal document that lets you, the testator (the person making the will), designate individuals or charities to receive your property and possessions when you pass away. These individuals and charities are commonly referred to as beneficiaries in your last will. A last will also allows you to name a guardian to care for minor children. The main purpose of a will is to ensure that the testator's wishes, and not the default laws of the state, will be followed upon the testator's death.
Read more at: http://www.legalzoom.com/personal/estate-planning/last-will-and-testament-overview.html
LegalZoom.com

Mostly, in a last will, you direct your estate (gifts, property, electronic photos/accounts, etc.) and name guardianship of minors (and even pets). A Living will is an advance directive to physicians and family wherein you state your wishes for end-of-life medical care. Many hospitals and some funeral homes have living will forms you can pick up. To make drafting my Will easier on myself, I'm using a respected online service where I fill in my responses for a lawyer's review and then I can print and have the documents notarized. It has made the process fairly easy-breezy. Once these documents are completed, they need to go in the safest place you have (fire safe box or safety deposit box are the best). And a couple of trusted people need to know where to find it or have a copy!    

Plan Funeral Arrangements: As I was working through my "Last Will" form, there is a section for funeral arrangement details. You can skip this section on the paperwork if you are not ready to place information there but I decided to go ahead and make arrangements so that my funeral wishes are in my actual paperwork. Although you can do a ton of planning, here's a quick top 5 things to consider and decide upon:

1. Casket burial (usually a funeral) or cremation (memorial service). I found this article to be helpful. Also, you might want to decide if you want a viewing. It's a good thing to talk through with family.
2. Who would you like to officiate your service?
3. Any special songs, poems, scriptures to be read.
4. Location for the service to be held: funeral home, graveside service, celebration of life gathering?
5. If there is a specific cemetery for your final resting place or some other directive for your ashes if cremated.

I was surprised at how strong my feelings were about specifics on funeral planning. I want the person officiating my service to actually know me personally, a friend who understands me and my convictions and who also knows my children. I reached out to a dear friend of my family and asked him if he would officiate and I'm blessed that he agreed. I have the simple requests of the reading of a Psalm that is special to me...Ps. 116, and for a Trinity dove release which is where 3 doves are released to symbolize the Trinity and a moment later a single dove representing me is released to join them, circle above and fly away. Currently I plan to put aside the cost of the trinity release. I used to own white doves and they were lovely so the symbolism fits me perfectly. 

You can begin by contacting a funeral home director to get started but because I desire to have a more natural burial, and since "green burials and cemeteries" haven't quite made it to my neck of the woods yet and aren't as well known, it was easier for me to call a cemetery and ask them directly if they had the option of something called a hybrid burial ground. A hybrid burial ground is fancy wording for a conventional cemetery that has a section which allows for burial without an outer burial container or allows for burial in any type of container. Personally, I like the thought of a tree as a marker for my final resting place and I actually found a cemetery close to my home that offers the hybrid option with trees already in place as well as the option for me to use something like a BioUrn. If you do prefer cremation, here is a link to some forms to consider preparing ahead of time: Forms. 

No doubt, the thought of going there to "pick a spot" brings up so much emotion inside me. But I have an appointment to visit there. Honestly, I do see and trust how God is guiding me, especially once I saw that the address of the cemetery was on Cardinal Lane. (this story will show you why that is meaningful) Now I'm going to work with my contact there, whose family also happens to run a funeral home as well, and I will make those arrangements to knock out that cost early. In Texas (as in most states) there is also a website where you can verify a funeral home (or directors') license if you'd like that added peace of mind. If you have any questions, or need someone to talk to about this kind of planning, please feel free to reach out to me or comment.

Ultimately, once paperwork is signed and arrangements are made, I will not forget that the words, "my body rests in hope" will be the final conclusion. I want my kids to have peace, not just because the preparations were all made, but in the fact that when my body rests, my soul is set because my hope rests solely in Jesus' return for me. And that beloved, is truly resting in peace. 

 

Ephesians 5:16 - Making The Most of Every Opportunity

Five years ago I created a personalized license plate with the thought that at least one time in my life it would be cool to have one. Ha. However at the time of its creation, little did I know all the ways God would use my little "OHYAY" plate to encourage others! Some times I glance in my rear view mirror to see people pointing at my license plate and smiling. At red lights, crosswalk pedestrians have walked by and given me a thumbs up or laughed. I've also seen passengers taking photos of it as I cruise the highway and once I even found a note left on my windshield saying that every time they see my car they smile.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised. After all, God used my previous car 7 years ago to reach people in my community when He placed my little "car ministry" in the path of those who desperately needed prayer. (click the green link to read that story) This week I've had the chance to decide whether simply to keep the plates the state will send me for my new car or to use this opportunity again. 

To help decide, I began to play around with some ideas, get input and pray, pray, pray. Some amazing options were available in customizing a plate! Some examples I could choose were: MYJESUS, GIVE LUV, UZME LRD, JC ISLRD, PRAY 2HM, and BELOVED. As I talked to a few creatives and those who know me well, the consensus was that BE LOVED was the best choice. However, my heart was still unsettled. Then yesterday I spoke to my daughter about one other plate idea I had been considering and she said, "That one!!!!, Yeah that's the one." 

As I prayed over all these top choices on my ride to work today, God began to press on my heart that the message should focus not only on strengthening but should be universal. (not just for the beloved) Considering all that is going on in the country and the extreme burdens many individuals are facing the choice became clear. He lead me to the perfect license plate and it should arrive in 3-4 weeks. 

My prayer is for everyone who sees it...that it is fitting to inspire them as well as remind the beloved of a cherished scripture...one that God has personally brought up this year over and over again. 

"So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time
we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up."

Galatians 6:9

The Dealing and Healing Path

I tend to be an unintentional "stuffer." When life gets crazy, my mind resolves to protect itself by channeling Scarlett O'Hara's thought process of, "I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow." I realized this morning that is exactly what's happened. Again.

On the drive in this morning, Mr. T and I processed a bit more about adoption day and our upcoming life together. He's excited, he's ready, but he's also mourning. Some of this is mourning the loss of his past life and some of it is mourning the unmet expectations he built about what his life would look like once he found a forever family.

My boy is a talker but spent most of the 1hr car ride in silence. Once at day camp, I pulled the morning counselor aside and gently shared our situation so they could be aware of his inner battle over the next few weeks. She was so glad I'd shared because they had noticed he seemed more stressed and argumentative about trivial things. She told me she would discretely share with the other counselors, with my permission, so they could give him their fullest support, understanding, and encouragement.

I know my facial expression changed because suddenly she said, "Do you need a hug?" As we hugged briefly, tears filled my eyes and I realized our little talk had unlocked my many emotions...I've been stuffing. Life is just coming at me so fast that I’ve not had the bandwidth to deal with my own “everything.” My children have huge stuff and there's way too much going on at my job. I have almost zero alone time and my body is warning me I’m not doing well...ugh! I’m super excited about the adoption and super raw. I know deep down we are really doing great…my kids are dealing and as counselors in the past have shared…dealing is good…we worry more when they are not dealing with stuff. So really, it’s ME that’s the worry…because I’ve not been dealing. I don't even know when I can deal...to say that being an introverted, adoptive single mom is no picnic = understatement.

"She had not known the weight until she felt the freedom." - The Scarlet Letter

So I'm sharing mostly as a way to get open, get free and get on that “dealing” and “healing” path I need to seriously start walking down...for my own health and sanity.  I didn't even realize until this morning's little emotional release time how weighed down I was feeling.

Selah - Pausing for Silent Meditation

"...I said to myself, ' I will confess my rebellion to the Lord. And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone! Selah* " Psalm 31:5b

Do you ever follow those little asterisks in your bible down to the subtext? A few weeks ago, I did this for the word "Selah." I've been doing some research and what I've read has been interesting. (see below for a summary)

In the end, for me the action the word calls us to when reading is key! Similar to a musical rest in a piece of music which causes dramatic pause, I understand "Selah" as a moment of silent reflection. In light of that, when I read a section of scripture and get to this word, I pause my reading and meditate on it. I think more deeply about what the writer has just written, how I can relate, and what it means in my own life. 

Try it! It can be powerful if you dig deep. Here are just a few that you can practice reading, pausing, and meditating on this morning. 

• For you [God] are my hiding place; you protect me from trouble. You surround me with songs of victory. Selah  - Psalm 32: 7
• So many are saying, 'God will never rescue him!'...I cried out to the Lord, and he answered me from his holy mountain. Selah - Psalm 3:2 & 4
• ...Each of us is but a breath. Selah - Psalm 39:11
• Everything on earth will worship you; they will sing your praises, shouting your name in glorious songs. Selah - Psalm 66:4

___

"Selah (/ˈsiːlə/; Hebrew: סֶלָה‎, also transliterated as selāh) is a word used seventy-four times in the Hebrew Bible—seventy-one times in the Psalms and three times in Habakkuk. The meaning of the word is not known, though various interpretations are given below. (It should not be confused with the Hebrew word sela‘ (Hebrew: סֶלַע‎) which means "rock".) It is probably either a liturgico-musical mark or an instruction on the reading of the text, something like "stop and listen." Selah can also be used to indicate that there is to be a musical interlude at that point in the Psalm.^[1] The Amplified Bible translates selah as "pause, and think of that." It can also be interpreted as a form of underlining in preparation for the next paragraph.

At least some of the Psalms were sung accompanied by musical instruments and there are references to this in many chapters. Thirty-one of the thirty-nine psalms with the caption "To the choir-master" include the word selah. Selah may indicate a break in the song whose purpose is similar to that of Amen (Hebrew: "so be it") in that it stresses the truth and importance of the preceding passage; this interpretation is consistent with the meaning of the Semitic root ṣ-l-ḥ also reflected in Arabic cognate salih (variously "valid" [in the logical sense of "truth-preserving"], "honest," and "righteous"). Alternatively, selah may mean "forever," as it does in some places in the liturgy (notably the second to last blessing of theAmidah). Another interpretation claims that selah comes from the primary Hebrew root word salah (סָלָה) which means "to hang," and by implication to measure (weigh)".^{[2] - Wiki}

Our Family's "DO NOT BOOK" Anniversary

“What is this life so full of care,
We don't have time to stand and stare.” ― W.H. Davies

Today, I'm celebrating!!! One year ago I made a simple change to set a reoccurring appointment for one Saturday per month that says, "DO NOT BOOK." Maybe I was at church trying to schedule time with a close friend and realized we had no time...for months ahead. Maybe I had been longing for the carefree days of my youth when the morning sun would call me to spend the rest of the day outside playing, taking naps under the front porch swing or having pretend adventures up in the pasture. Whatever the trigger, life needed to have more space and time to dream, imagine, create and rest. That day when I looked across the living room at my new daughter, I realized she hadn't had those type of childhood experiences and she was possibly running out of time to have this leisure in her youth! Her life had been a whirlwind before our adoption and was picking up speed into her last years of high school. Next, she'd plow into the college years, jobs, possibly marriage and children. This little bit of time we have is so precious...and certainly it's my job to protect it!!!! 

You would think that reserving 12 little Saturdays out of the year where we book nothing would be easy BUT, let me just tell you it was hard. Yet as I stood my ground on this decision, I've seen the blessings.

So you may wonder what my daughter does on these days? Well, she sleeps until 11am. Yup, and I totally support that 'cause the girl needs sleep!  When she gets up she may have a late breakfast,and afterwards wander into the backyard with her sunglasses on to read her newest book while laying under our monster fig tree. She piddles, rests, and thinks (or not...because sometimes you need your mind to stop!) My son tends to get up earlier than her so after breakfast he goes and gets all smelly (as boys should) while playing with the kids across the street. They play"infection" (for us older folks, that's the modern day version of freeze tag) and they have Nerf gun battles galore! Me? I get caught up on laundry, dishes, and housework. NOT!!!!!! I may read my own newest book or an old classic then take a much deserved nap, or maybe crochet and sit in silence, craft or twenty other "me" things I long to do but normally need to push aside. 

When I look back over my childhood, I'm so thankful that my parents didn't allow all my days to be filled to the brim. That precious time of my past is why I can self-entertain today and not get as swept up in the chaotic life that swirls around me. Children need an emotional and physical margin so they can be kids and as keeper of the calendar, I take it as an honored responsibility to give them the sanctuary of this precious time.