To Married Women for Encouraging Your Daughters/Single Sisters

Proverbs 12:18 - There is one who speaks rashly like a piercing sword but the tongue of the wise brings healing. 

*whew* (Long title - ha) Since it's getting close to Valentine's day, I thought it might be beneficial to share an old Facebook "note" I posted. :) I added the "Daughters" part because I started thinking...many women with daughters might not realize that their young girls could be hearing these things as well. I also know it's beneficial to single women to read because we don't tend to speak up on this subject and we often make excuses after hearing them as though women are justified in saying these insensitive statements. 

I found an old DPI book this morning that had an interesting section. It’s titled “Things Not to Say to Single Women.” I don’t believe people are intentionally trying to say inappropriate and hurtful things but that sometimes people just don’t know what to say nor do they really think about what they are saying! A lot of the time singles are just going along happily in life when suddenly someone shines a spotlight on the fact that we are single in a marrieds world. So out of love, I hope you'll consider not saying the following statements & questions that make single sisters cringe and start saying the 10 things that single women long to hear.

Please don't say: 

10. “Some people were just meant to be single, like Jesus, like Paul.”

9. “How’s the dating life?” (Seems an innocent question but if anything exciting were happening, she’d tell ya)

8. “How come you’re not married yet?” (Implies something’s wrong with her. We usually get this question enough from our families so you can just skip it please)

7. “What’s wrong with the single brothers?” (This encourages huge attitudes toward the guys)

6. “I’m sure there is SOMEONE out there SOMEWHERE.” (Then where is he? Please put this statement in the trash along with your crystal ball.)

5. “Since you are not doing anything this Saturday, would you keep our kids so my spouse and I could go out on a date?”  (How about maybe finding her a date so you can have a double?)

4.  Said at a wedding, “You’re next!” (wow, I didn’t even catch the bouquet!)

3. “Don’t worry; I was single for three lo-o-o-ong years before I met my sweetie.” (Ouch! These types of statements are a killer and have sent many single sisters running to the bathroom to cry. Especially those who have been single 8, 10, 15+ years.)

2. “There must be something you need to change in your character, something God’s trying to teach you…when that happens, God will bring him along.”  (Really? My sisters, married women didn't figure out the secret formula! You don’t do XYZ and boom-bam you’ve got a husband. Marriage is a blessing from God and no one does anything to deserve it.)

1. And the number 1 unappreciated comment “I don’t know how you do it. I couldn't stay pure that long. I’m so thankful I’m married. “

My personal true experiences:

1. Bridal showers, weddings, and baby showers are NOT the time to talk to single women about their dating status. I’ve practically sworn off bridal and baby showers because for years I've left these events, holding back my tears until I get inside my car, due to feeling like road kill that was just picked apart by buzzards. Just saying.
2. When a single comes into your family group at church, please don’t say, “Alright, Babysitters!” or ask, “Don’t you struggle not being married?”
3. “Trust me, marriage is hard.” Telling us how hard marriage is doesn’t help…no matter how true that statement.
4. “Guys are just intimated by you because you’re so spiritual.” (uh, okay. *sigh*)
5. “I think you should consider freezing your eggs…ya know…just in case for later.” (Now, to this sister’s defense, I know her heart was not trying to hurt me; this sister in Christ is SO awesome and she did apologize later. Still, it’s a good example along the lines of what not to say.)
6. To my younger single sisters in the Lord, be mindful of off-the-cuff statements like: “I sure don’t want to be over 30 and just starting a family.” or “This wedding is so exciting – let’s pretend that we’re the ones getting married!” or “I hope I don’t have to date as many times as you.”

Okay, now the BEST PART!! Things we LONG to hear:

10. “Anything I can pray about for you?” (Lets her know that her overall life is on your heart)

9. “I know your life is busy but would you have time to ____?” (When someone recognizes that we have full lives too, that’s very encouraging! If you assume singles have ALL this free time, then we need to have a talk.)

8. "Thank you for doing _____. You are so valuable to the fellowship."

7. "You are beautiful." (Some single women haven’t heard that from anyone since their mom or dad said it to them in 1st grade.)

6. "You are a great friend. I admire the way you _______."

5. "It would be fun to do a double date with you. When are you available?" (Actually make it happen.)

4. "I respect how faithful you are to God."

3. "I would never want you to marry anyone who didn’t realize how special you are."

2. "You are enough." (I actually don’t know any woman who doesn’t need to hear this!)

1. And the number one, "I’d be so happy if my daughter grew up to be like you."

Ahhhhh. Thanks for reading and for your understanding especially if you are married.

My next statement is hard to take but here it goes…being a single woman is a choice. We choose to be single. I didn’t believe that for a long time but it’s true. I could be married - right now! All any of us would have to do is let go of God’s standards and dreams for us. BUT since we love Him, we don’t let go and, I’m sure you’ll agree, there’s not a thing wrong with a woman who makes that decision!!

To my amazing single sisters: I’ve learned from some of the best faithful sisters out there!! Drop me a line or give me a buzz if you’re struggling with being single. I want to encourage, inspire, and lift you up, 'cause girl, you might not know it, but you are rock’n it!!

A Poem to Inspire

You Can If You Think You Can!

If you think you are beaten, you are,
If you think you dare not, you don't.
If you like to win, but you think you can't,
It is almost certain you won't.

If you think you'll lose, you're lost,
For out in the world we find,
Success begins with a fellow's will.
It's all in the state of mind.

If you think you are outclassed, you are,
You've got to think high to rise,
You've got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win a prize.

Life's battles don't always go
To the stronger or faster man.
But soon or late the man who wins,
Is the man who thinks he can.

~ C. W. Longenecker ~

One of my new year's resolutions was to memorize a new, inspiring poem..so I'm on the hunt. This is a contender. :) If you have an inspiring poem you love, please share it!! 

My Sisters in Distant Lands

There are several ladies I've never met or only met once that I pray for often.

They are in sister churches and I'm so grateful I know them! Most of these connections came through Facebook and although I still hope to "hug their necks" one day, there is a possibility that our first or next meeting won't be until we embrace in Paradise. So in the mean time, I pray for my sisters, keep up with them online and we encourage one another from a far through emails, posts, blogs, and prayers.

And thinking of this makes me reflect. Paradise & Heaven are going to be filled with such happiness, laughter, worship and joy! 

Anyway, to my sisters so far, in fellowships across the earth, these verses come to my heart and mind: 

God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus. Therefore, my sisters, you whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, stand firm in the Lord in this way, dear friends! ~ Philippians 1:8 & ~Philippians 4:1-3 

Recent Data Breach & Some Tips

I was a customer at Target and did my grocery shopping just one week before the news about the data breach. I happen to use Wells Fargo and also have an identity theft protection plan to monitor all my accounts and credit. I set up the ITP when I was traveling to Iceland in 2010. On that trip, I also had a completely different checking account and card that wasn't "linked" to my savings account or main checking account so that if somehow my information was compromised while shopping/eating there, then the only "damage" that might be done would be to my one account and not the others. Ideal for international travel, but after about a year or so, I was simplifying and didn't feel like I needed two checking accounts. Wrong. 

Yesterday, I spent over 2 hours with my bank discussing the incorrect charges on my account and new options. In the end, a secondary checking account was exactly what I decided to do! Thursday afternoon, my bank called me questioning some transactions on my account. I got the message on Friday morning and called them right away. When I looked on my checking account there was a pending transaction from Starbucks here in North Texas for my morning breakfast and then there were two other charges I didn't recognize. The banker on the phone said that those were from a gas station in Atlanta, Georgia! It seems that an ACTUAL CARD with my debit card number was swiped there. 

I canceled that debit card/visa right away and made an appointment to go into a banking location to get a temp. card for use and to discuss option. One customer in the bank at the same time I was there was cleaning up fraud on three different accounts equaling over $2,200! All this background is to tell you what I learned while there just in case you aren't "up" on the latest. 

Target was not the only store 'hit' and a list...A LIST of stores is going to be published soon of places where data was also compromised...other big name stores. In light of this, here are a few tips: 

1. Don't get comfortable yet. Keep checking for transactions on your account that you don't recognize! Right now, it's probably a great idea to pop into your online account DAILY just to take a look and while your memory is fresh of the day before. Most of us do that with social media sites online anyway, so just make it a part of your routine. 

2. Be diligent. Look for small, unusual transactions or amounts with no cents. It seems that initially thieves will 'thump' your account with a small amount first. The two charges on my account were for $25 & $5. My bank called me that same day. With the woman filing to get back her $2000+, she didn't notice the small charges, delayed just a day in returning the bank's call, and so by the time she realized what was going on, the thieves had racked up some larger amounts. We are often protected by our banks and so we will get reimbursed but it can take time...up to 3 weeks minimum. So those robbed will have to go without their funds...which can be challenging on bills! 

3. Rethink how your accounts are linked. The checking account I had was linked through over-draft protection with my credit card which is a safety net for me but this would be extra handy for a thief that got a hold of my data. Think of the damage they could have done to take all my checking and max out my cc! (God is merciful on me.) 

4. Consider having a Spending Account. In the future like I did in Iceland, I'll transfer money into what I'm calling a "spending account" with a debit card that I'll use for groceries, gas, random expenses, and online shopping which is not linked to any other account and carries a low balance so that if this ever happens again the damage will always be super small. Think of it as a card you "load" or like having your own pre-paid card. It's almost like an advanced "envelope system."

5. Totally unique password. Passwords are really a pain. It's easier to keep the same password for many different things. My email password is the same as my password to pay my water bill. I'm sure you probably do the same in some instances but with online banking...make sure to keep a totally unique one. It's just smart! I'm actually about to change mine up again just to be on the safe side. 

Anyway, today may be a great time to stroll in and talk to your banker about fund safety! 

The Law & Grace

passion flower from my garden

Excerpt below is from the book, One Way Love - Inexhaustible Grace for an Exhausted World. 

Just as it is difficult to experience forgiveness without some knowledge of what you have done wrong, so it is difficult to understand Grace apart from the Law. If the Law is the first word, Grace is the last. Listen closely: 

The Law exposes us, while Grace exonerates us. 
The Law diagnoses, but Grace delivers. 
The Law accuses, Grace acquits.
The Law condemns the best of us, while Grace saves the worst of us. 
The Law says, "cursed," Grace says, "blessed."
The Law says, "slave," Grace says, "daughter/son"
The Law says, "guilty," Grace says, "forgiven."
The Law can break a hard heart, but only Grace can heal one.

Grace = the unmerited favor of God through Jesus Christ's sacrifice for each individual

Beautiful love!!!

FAITH: A Word-by-Word Exploration of Spiritual Truths

 

A few weeks ago, I noticed the need for something new and fresh for my "coffee & cozy" times. So I researched certain unique words in the New Testament. These words are nontraditional to study but to keep it simple, I'm calling it my F.A.I.T.H. study. *smile* It was great! Below you will find some of what God reminded me of: 

Monday - Firm 
Tuesday - Able 
Wednesday - Impossible 
Thursday - Today
Friday -  Help

Firm: God's reminding me to stand firm in my faith, in Christ, until the end, to hold firm to the Word of Life, to pray for others to stand firm in the Lord, and that I must hold firm to my confidence and conviction. This scripture was moving to my heart - 2 Timothy 2:19, "Nevertheless, God’s solid foundation stands firm, sealed with this inscription: “The Lord knows those who are his,...”

Able: God is able! Many scriptures to remind me all that my Lord is able to do. He is able to keep me from stumbling, able to help me remember scriptures, able to save completely & forever those who come to Him through Christ, able to deal gently with us during weakness, able to help when I'm tempted, able to guard what I have entrusted to him, able to do immeasurably more than all we can ask or imagine, and is able to destroy or bless & establish us. 

Impossible: With faith in God, nothing is impossible...it's only in our human side that we see barriers. Also, that it was impossible for death to keep it's hold on Jesus! That Hebrew 6:4-6 is a scripture people like to try to cross out of the bible but it deserves prayer and trust in God. This was a good little article: It's impossible for God to lie and without faith it's impossible for us to please God.

Today: Reminders: "Give us today our daily bread." "Today, if you hear his voice do not harden your hearts..." "Jesus Christ is the same, yesterday and today and forever." 

Help: People cried out to Jesus for help. We are called to help others many times in scriptures. We are helped by the Holy Spirit. I'm convinced I need to ask for God's help more. I don't think I pray and express how desperate I am for his help. I am sure I ask for help but I don't think it often springs out of a heart that sees He's the only provider and the One that meets my greatest and smallest needs. I'm really going to reflect on this more! 

Loving the Forgotten

For He will deliver the needy who cry out, 

the afflicted who have no one to help. Psalm 72:12

Excited! [total understatement]

I just had a wonderful meeting with the activities director at a local nursing and rehabilitation center. Have you ever considered the definition of the word "needy?" It means, "1. being in want [poverty], or 2. marked by want of affection, attention, or emotional support."

In mid-November, I was talking to God and asked Him these simple questions: "God, I know so many people feel forgotten...who are the forgotten in my neighborhood? Who needs to be reminded You care?" By the end of my prayer, I had the answer - residents in nursing homes in my area are the needy. They are too often the forgotten. 

So I started praying and researching homes for the elderly around my neighborhood. As I "knocked on doors" about the availability to volunteer and encourage seniors, one location opened up WIDE. 

Activity Director: "I'm so glad you called...you just don't know how much we need this! How soon can you come by?"

God's blessing and encouragement to me poured out as she talked and confirmed all that I felt God was placing on my heart. As the activity director, Ms. S. plans a lot of things but there are some room-bound patients that can't attend. She said they could really use a visitor..."just someone to paint their nails, or read them a book, or watch a movie with them, or sing a song (even off key she assured me was fine!), or talk, or listen, or smile." Any day of the week and any time I can spare...any.  

After work today I met Ms. S. and I found out that many of the residents are under the age of 55! I filled out a simple application for a quick background check and I am popping in this Saturday to start encouraging. A resident, Ms. R., spoke to me while Ms. S was away filing my paperwork and she said, "It's really needed, it's a big deal that you are willing to do this."  

As I looked at her face of urgency as a resident there, I could almost cry. All I did was ask God, He answered, opened doors, and I walked through them. Humbling. 

The Lord hears the needy and does not despise his captive people.

Psalm 69:33

Needy by want of affection, attention, and emotional support. 
Captive with no other alternative but to live in a nursing facility. 

In light of today's experience, these verses takes on a whole new meaning. Amen, Lord. Please use me.

PS: If anyone in my neck of the woods would like to find out more info...just let me know and I'll hook you up. Maybe we could even go encourage together! :)