People don't automatically know what a humble response is since humility is often rejected as weakness in the world, so prideful responses are the normal responses being modeled for us. So here's a quick quiz - select how you would respond:
Someone tells you that something you did hurt them and you say,
- "I am sorry you were hurt."
- "I am sorry but I didn't mean to hurt you."
- "I am sorry you felt hurt."
- "I am sorry I hurt you."
- "Oh well."
Someone apologizes to you after you've expressed being hurt by them and you say,
- "I forgive you but..." then list all the times they have hurt you.
- "I forgive you." ...and never bring up that hurt again.
- "I forgive you if you will..._____."
- "I forgive you."...and pull your heart back so they can't hurt you again.
- "Yeah, sure. Whatever."
You notice someone consistently acting different or distant toward you so you,
- Are sure to be extra friendly with them next time you see them.
- Ask their closest friend how they are doing.
- Go ask them if everything is okay between you.
- Reason that if they have a problem, they need to come to you.
- Decided, "I have got my own problems."... and ignore it.
- Pray to see what you can change or if you are misunderstanding the situation.
- Pray for God to build unity and peace around the world.
- Pray and confirm your clear conscience then ask God not to hold their sin against them.
- Pray for God to help them see their fault.
- On second thought, you decide to refuse to pray with them.
Some of these above statements may seem outlandish but I've experienced each of them so here's some insight I've received over the years from Christians much older in Christ than me - passing their wisdom along.
Someone tells you that something you did hurt them and you say,
- "I am sorry you were hurt." (apology that they got hurt yet this subtle statement dismisses that you have any responsibility for it and is prideful)
- "I am sorry but I didn't mean to hurt you." (the 'but' cancels the apology before it, attempting to justify your intentions is to suggest they should feel differently and is insensitive)
- "I am sorry you felt hurt." (dismissive; you have pushed the blame of their hurt back on them, taking no responsibility)
- "I am sorry I hurt you." (humble and loving, apology and recognizing something you did hurt them)
- "Oh well." (uncaring, unloving)
Someone apologizes to you after you've expressed being hurt by them and you say,
- "I forgive you but..." then list all the times they've hurt you. (not truly forgiving, holding record of wrongs, 1 Cor. 13:5)
- "I forgive you." ...and never bring that hurt up again. (humble - Eph 4:31-32)
- "I forgive you if you will..._____." (conditional forgiveness = unforgiving)
- "I forgive you."...and pull your heart back so they can't hurt you again. (you've made a promise you don't fulfill, since you've left the friendship)
- "Yeah, sure. Whatever." (unloving-distrustful)
The definition of "forgive" - to grant pardon for or remission of offense, debt...etc, to absolve, to give up all claim on account of, to cease to feel resentment against, to cancel an indebtedness or forgive interest owed. Just the definition challenges my heart!
You notice someone consistently acting different or distant toward you so you,
- Are sure to be extra friendly with them next time you see them. (avoidance, dodging the situation you see)
- Ask their closest friend how they are doing. (not dealing directly, unloving)
- Go ask them if everything is okay between you. (humble - consider Matthew 5:9 & 23-24)
- Reason that if they have a problem, they need to come to you. (prideful)
- Decided, "I've got my own problems."... and ignore it. (selfish, detached)
You have a disagreement with someone and decide to pray together. During the prayer, you:
- Pray to see what you can change or if you are misunderstanding the situation. (humility - focus on being a better you for God and that you always have room to improve)
- Pray for God to build unity and peace around the world. (evading issue, non-participation)
- Pray and confirm your clear conscience then ask God not to hold their sin against them (passive aggressive, read 1 Cor. 4:4-5)
- Pray for God to help them see their fault. (pride, consider Luke 18:9-20)
- On second thought, you decide to refuse to pray with them. (arrogant, hard-hearted)
I hope this post provides some things to "chew" on and pray about...Here's to growing in our humility to one another!!! :)
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