Gotcha

Yesterday, I adopted Rene. I wanted to record the moments so I'd never forget. After opening up our facebook albums so people could see our past 7 months together, I woke her up for a cereal breakfast of cinnamon toast crunch and Disney music (just in case she had any nerves). We got ready...not everything was working out for me though...I couldn't find some of the clothes I wanted to wear. I remember needing to check my heart as my girl was in the living room alone playing games on her DS on a huge day in her life while I was stressing about not finding the slacks I wanted to wear. So I tossed expectations to the side and focused on encouraging her and being with her until my folks arrived from out of town. We piled in my car and I drove us to the family court house. We found great parking! yay.

After going through security and meeting up with all the friends who had come to support us, we went to the 5th floor and I met the lawyer for the first time. He talked us through what would happen a bit more and shared the questions he'd ask me and what Rene would be asked. I got real emotional as he asked some basic questions. My friend Guy-Michel began taking pictures while we waited and before I knew it (although we had probably waited about 30 minutes outside the courtroom) the lawyer came out of the court room and called my name. We all ushered in..I thought to sit down to be called but instead they moved us right in front to stand before the judge! Rene and I stood there with our family and friends behind us for support and they swore us all in.

Then the sweet gentlemanly voice of our lawyer started to ask me questions. I was thankful that my spirit and voice felt full of conviction when I answered "yes, sir." to basic questions then the more serious ones of my commitment to care for Rene forever, my financial ability to care for her, and if I believed this was the best thing for her. Then the judge asked my sweet girl several questions ranging from grades and plans for the future through to her desire to live with me, if she felt this was the best decision for her. Next, the judge asked our family and friends the question on if they would be here to support Rene too. Finally, the judge granted our adoption of each other and we hugged. That's when I started to cry for sure! She whispered, "You're not crying are you?" and I said, "Of course I am!" and I hugged her tight. The judge gave her a blue and white teddy bear, which she kissed the ear of and got lipstick on which was super cute and we exited the courtroom. She named the bear Paschal which I'm not sure if she realizes is part of our lawyer's name.

We went back outside the courtroom to wait on the lawyer to get some paperwork in process and to me. In the meantime, we took pictures on the staircase. I saw my papa lean down and whisper things in her ear, of his encouragement and pride I'm sure, to which she stated to us, "Now I'll carry on the family name." Ahhh....after speaking to the lawyer and saying bye to the CPS and my adoption agency worker, we headed off to the Cracker Barrel. :)

Of course, I realized when exiting the garage that I had lost our ticket...ha, of course, how was I going to keep up with such a small thing on such a big occasion! hee hee. We got to the restaurant, ordered and opened presents. My mom gave Rene a beautiful James Avery leather double-wrap bracelet with a silver heart to which my alternative daughter swiftly turned into a choker necklace and I received a beautiful silver necklace with a pendant that reads, "born in my heart." We got some much needed picture frames and some baking aprons from a dear family of friends. The aprons are priceless because there are four of them and they read, "Grandma Baker," "Grandpa Baker," "Momma Baker" and hers which reads, "Now, I'm a Baker too." Ahhhhh....we ate and enjoyed the breakfast then went home.

Later, while watching her beat a Wii game, Rene asked, "Did you have a good day?" I laughed and said, "the best!" then I asked her, "Did you?" to which she rolled her eyes in the way that teens do and said "no" but then smiled and said, "Of course!' Later we had some visitors stop by with congratulations cookies.

Scriptures for a New Mom

Today is exactly three weeks until we finalize the adoption! I find myself all excited and nervous at the same time. I'm a first time mom and I feel the weight of responsibility as a single mom by choice because really...I don't know what I'm doing! Ha. Seriously, I do question sometimes if I'm even relying on God enough, am I sharing about God enough, am I making this time special for her, am I in tune with her needs and hurts, her desires and hopes...am I being a good momma? 

Also, I'm ready to get back to a somewhat "normal" routine for me. My daughter and I have established one for us but in my hours when she is at school it's full of work - and a call from CPS, next an email from my adoption agency, but it's the 1st of the month so all my foster/adoption monthly paperwork needs to get completed and emailed and oh, that reminds me, I've got to send that signed paperwork back to the lawyer but first there was something really important I needed to do...oh yeah, pay BILLS! Yikes. What a whirlwind! This little paragraph does it no justice for the outsider.

Thank you Jesus for putting it on my friend's heart, Angie, to send me this little reminder of scriptures below! It's helping me out today. Let's face it, adoption is a HUGE step! And not just for my daughter but for me too...so I know I need to chill out some and rest in God (even in my ability to rest in God - LOL). 

Besides just getting off the phone with my friend Esther and talking through some of my other emotions, something else that's been helping is the example Katie sets in her book called, "Kisses from Katie." I am always moved at how much Katie gushes as a new mom about her new foster-to-adopt daughters. Today I feel the need to follow her example and remind myself what an amazing young lady God's placed in my life.

My sweet girl: She's got such a heart of perseverance! She feels emotions deeply and likes to take care of others. She does small things all the time to show her love (like putting a Zip-Lock bag of dark chocolate covered espresso beans in my purse this morning as a surprise). She's a smart young woman who does great in school (just 3 points shy of all A's) and is competitive in the type of way that makes her successful but doesn't overpower others. She enjoys ALL kinds of animals and has shown extreme patience as she's tried to befriend our shy cat, Manna. The other day he let her hold him like a baby! She's the only other one besides me who has ever had that privilege.

One thing I really enjoy about her is her intense desire to laugh. She cracks herself up all the time. We laugh and have begun having inside jokes and routines which are beyond special! She is playful, caring and has a child-like nature that is completely endearing. My daughter is super creative and crafty (DIY - she is currently making Christmas ornaments that are sequin pokemon balls) and if reading was an Olympic sport, I know she would blow the competition away.

I very much admire all the times she is open about her day, her dreams, her thoughts and her hurts. Any tear that she sheds is so special to me because I know she does not have to be that vulnerable with me...but when she shares her emotions I know that she's made the decision to trust my love. Not many young people at her age (sweet 16) carry that kind of openness, especially after dealing with the foster care system. It makes me understand more deeply the specialness of Psalm 56:8 as to why my own tears are so special to my God. He knows we don't have to be vulnerable so when we choose to open our hearts and emotions to Him of course they would be special to Him too! God has blessed her with a fun, light spirit and He has blessed me with her! As my friend put it in a text today, having her as my daughter is my "destiny." :)

Adoption - It Is Time!!

Psalm 16:8 - I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.

Dear Readers,

Please forgive my short break from blogging. I've been praying, fasting, seeking advice, reading, experiencing, laughing, crying, training and doing much soul searching for the past 4.5 months and this has allowed me very little time for blogging creatively.  Ah motherhood! :)

And now...it is time. I made the decision yesterday to start the formal process of adopting my new 15 yr. old daughter. It's hard to believe she moved in with me just a short time ago from foster care. I was pretty certain that adoption would be the outcome but as I prayed previously, I didn't get the impression that I should move forward just yet. 

At first this was scary and confusing!!! I didn't understand the feeling or why the Spirit was not giving the green light but I got surrendered that I needed to wait. After becoming okay with waiting, suddenly it became clear that I needed to wait until I had read the CPS file. My agency specialist and I bugged CPS for 8 weeks then finally, yesterday...I received it and finished reading it! It took me 1 hr per each large binder to read through all the paperwork.

So last night, over pizza and watching Mickey Mouse in french, my girl and I sat at the table (by her request) and discussed adoption in full. I told her I wanted to adopt her and asked if she would like this? Would she like to consider me as her family...her forever family? She said YES with the most beautiful smile - I will never forget it!

My daughter is kind, full of joy, rambunctious, thoughtful and smart as a whip! What a blessing she's been to me. All the ways she encourages me, spends time with me, and loves up on me is a treasure. :) We also talked about the options she has concerning her name. She decided she wants to take my last name and keep her bio dad's family name as her middle name. That makes me so happy I can't even express! :D

Next steps?
I'm guessing tons more paperwork, stress, excitement, and challenges. It may be that my girl and I experience some fear: fear of the "bottom dropping out" or nerves about the future, but I will continue towards trusting God and I have faith in Him. My hope is that in some way I can also steel in her heart and mind this trust and faith too! My Lord has brought us a long way. A long way! 

 This is me and my daughter 

May our story make Him happy and encourage people towards Him. I pray others consider adopting too... especially a teen!

WE COULD STILL USE PRAYERS! Please pray for God to protect us during this process, for no barriers to pop up, and for much open communication, happiness and laughter during this time in our lives which we are certain to never forget. 

ps. I'm also praying that one of the photographers who donate sessions to adoption families will become available to capture this special event once everything is set! 

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."

Waiting and Growing

Lately I've been reading a new blog during my Coffee & Cozy times with God. Today's entry from "She Reads Truth" hit a cord with my heart because it's about waiting. I got a ping on my heart with the sentence the author wrote ...

"The waiting isn’t just the hardest part, it’s the growing part." 

As Sarah Mathey continued sharing about her own waiting story of adopting, she shared, "We should think of the waiting as our labor pains. The contractions are getting stronger, closer together, more and more painful, the longer the process continues. While we are waiting, we are changing– [God's] changing us in the waiting.

This season in life is both exciting and challenging. Since my whole routine flipped upside down in May, I don't feel as close to God as I did when it was just me in the house. I think I've been fighting to find my "way back" instead of waiting and simply growing into the fresh relationship that God seems to be trying to develop as I build a family. Also, right now I'm waiting for the Spirit to move and watching like an Israelite who keeps their eye on the pillar of cloud and that's okay too. I tend to be a 'planner' and sometimes a "rusher" so this waiting is good for me.

What is going on in your life right now? Is there a season of waiting? Maybe you are waiting for a result, an open/closed door, healing, freedom, help, or direction. If so, please know you are not alone. May you find comfort that Jesus loves you. And just maybe he is speaking words to you, like he did the winds and the waves, "Peace, be still!' [Mark 4:39]

May you find this peace in your wait. 

While I'm Waiting - John Waller (with lyrics)

The Decision to Glorify God

Think back to the last time you had a life changing decision in front of you. How did you make it? Did you pray? Get Advice? Search the scriptures or books? Make a pros verses cons list? Research on the internet for what others do?

Well, I have one of the biggest decisions of my life in front of me. There is a wonderful 15 year old teenager living in my home who just happens to also be a part of the foster care system. As our relationship is deepening, I believe we want to adopt each other but how do I make the final decision that this is the right path to take for both of us? And whatever path is chosen, when times get tough, how am I going to remain confident in my decision?!?!

You might think at this stage the decision would be easy...but life changing decisions are never simple or easy. 

Romans 12:2 says, "Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect."

I want to know what God's will is for me! I know God is trying to do some transformation in my thinking through all this. Today, I heard a woman say that when planning her wedding she really tried to consider what would be most glorifying to God. I felt the Spirit tug at me.

The Spirit is urging me to focus on the path that would most glorify God!

But what does glorifying God mean? Since I'm so detailed oriented, I had to make sure I knew what this common phrase meant. Defined - to glorify means to reveal or make clearer the glory (the magnificence/great beauty/high renown) of God by one's actions. So the question is what path would best reveal God and spotlight Him for others. 

Let's be honest, in most decisions we focused on "what do I want" or "what's best for me" questions. And yet when you think instead (hello, transforming of the mind) "what would best glorify God" that changes everything! 

• Which choice puts a beautiful spotlight on God?
• Which path/action reveals Him to others?
• Is my desire to glorify God the most important factor when making this decision? 

Well, within the thought of glorifying God and considering adoption, these scriptures have been helpful!  

2 Corinthians 8:9 (NLT) ^"You know the generous grace of our Lord Jesus Christ. Though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, so that by his poverty he could make you rich." Adoption is a sacrifice but imitation of my Lord Jesus...that would glorify God.

Hebrews 13:16 (NLT) "And don’t forget to do good and to share with those in need. These are the sacrifices that please God." Opening up my life and family...that would glorify God.

John 15:12-13 ^"This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends." Laying down my life, in all the many ways that adoption calls for...that would glorify God. 

After much prayer, I know there is one final "wall' I must climb before I can make the final decision. The Spirit is prompting me to wait until it is climbed and I know that's why I've not been able to make this life changing decision fully yet BUT I believe the ultimate path is becoming more and more clear as God continues to open doors of hope and I focus on the decision to glorify God! 

What about you? Do you have a life-changing decision you need to make? Then, I pray these little thoughts & scriptures help. :) 

Stress Relief from Music

"A bird does not sing because it has an answer. 

It sings because it has a song."

Last Friday was a particularly hard day. I got a chance to hear from my foster daughter's own lips about her childhood. It was almost more than I could handle but I put on my mommy spirit to stay strong and supportive so that my girl could express all her emotions. Then I had to go straight to work. :( By the time I got to a special church event that night, my nerves were shot because they'd been bottled too long. As people encouraged me with hugs and sweet words, all I could really do was cry. Then Sunday, I let myself get too stressed when three different conflicts popped up. So by Monday, I woke up with a sore throat, sneezing, and a tooth that is really sensitive. Today my voice is almost completely gone. Is it allergies? A common cold? Sinus infection? I don't know but somehow I suspect that STRESS is negatively affecting my immune system.


Reflecting on all this started me thinking today about music. Recently, my daughter and I downloaded Disney music from several different movies. We've been singing along with them every chance we get and it has been bonding for us to be in the car belting out lyrics to each other of, "you ain't never had a friend like me" [Aladdin] and "Hakuna Matata" [Lion King].

Even today, I'm listening to music and it's helping so much. Probably nothing new to anyone but music can be an amazing tool. I've always believed that people who walk around humming and singing carry a lot of joy in their hearts. Something I truly appreciate about my girl is how much she sings and laughs. She's had to deal with a ton of loss in her short life but I strongly believe she lives with more joy and laughter than most people. 

So, just in case you need a pick-me-up too, besides clicking on the links for the Aladdin & Lion King songs above, here are a few I've been listening to today. And yes, my music style is diverse, some are older and some are silly but they do have me bobbing bob my head:

Radioactive (cover) 
Don't Worry, Be Happy
Happy 
Twist & Shout
Day-O 
Power of Love 
Cups (When I'm Gone) 

Footloose 
Roar 

Three Birds 
Hound Dog 
Brave
Ghostbusters
 
 

PS.
 CLICK HERE & WATCH THIS FUN VIDEO

Single Foster-to-Adopt Mom: Carving out "me time"

Life seems to be moving too fast to blog much lately! As you may have read from previous posts, as a new single mom I'm really trying to be better about taking care of myself. Below are some ideas that I've been implementing lately in my own self-care practices:

1. Using my shower time. Guilt free...take some extra time to relax, pray, mediate, pamper myself.
2. Meal help - During a very stressful week, taking someone up on their offer to bring over a meal. (thanks Pree!!!!)
3. Be creative - Zentangles and simple pencil drawings on black paper have been my mental break to help me file away the day and unwind. , I copied the idea of the drawing above from a pin I saw on pinterest that linked to this site.
4. Use your kids bedtime routine- If your child is older, take advantage of their time getting ready for bed (while they shower & brush their teeth etc...) to get some alone time
5. Find a low maintenance hobby - The advantage is that it's low cost. It also helps to take your mind of the day's stress and places it into the moment. Examples: taking care of a few plants/your backyard, juggling, do a word search or jumble puzzle each night...
6. Exercise. Sometimes I jump on the treadmill in the living room while my teen watches a cartoon on tv. 
7. Imitate your pet. I've made the decision when I see one of my cats stretch, I'll stretch my body too. It sounds funny but it's a great reminder because cats are excellent at "self-care" and relaxation. 
8. Ask for a hug. I've found I really need hugs more than I get. I read this article that said it's good to have 8 hugs at day!! EIGHT! I need to start asking for more hugs. LOL. I get a few from my teen and some on Wed/Sundays when I see people at church but otherwise am very thirsty for them :)
9. Use a chair massage/heating pad. My body is holding onto stress a bunch. Right now, I can't afford regular massages but I splurged a few years ago to buy one of those simple massagers that plug in and you place in a chair. It's been a great investment. Also, my heating pad helps on days I'm exhausted and my muscles are tight. It's easy to sit and listen to my kid'o tell me all about her day. I can even have it on at the dinner table.
10. Play online educational games. Sometimes the mental break I need isn't just resting but working on a different type of "problem." So I have been using sites like lumosity and funtotype so my mind can take on a simple but different types of challenges. 

If you have any special tips you use, please let me know. :)