A 'Me' Update (haha)

my desk, bookshelf, and small table

I have to admit I've been fairly "maxed out" this past month. Starting the new job and beginning the adoption certification classes have been difficult. I'm trying to carefully manage my energy but I can't say that I've done a great job. :/ There have been several nights that I've had to go to sleep around 7-7:30p because I was so exhausted. 

In the future, I think I'll really enjoy spending time with God on campus outside but right now it's too hot! Fortunately, I've just moved into a private office at work. So thankful! I have a window and can look out onto trees, squirrels, and sky.  Now I'm in a peaceful office where I can get some major work done! :)

To help cope with the mental & physical exhaustion, I've been utilizing my drive to work. I use the fairly easy, 55 minute drive to catch up with people, spend time listening to scriptures on CD, or just sit in the quiet. As far as house work goes, I split it up into little chunks in the evening and use my phone alarm to let me know what housework is due for the night. :) Still I've got a lot of growing to do. A few weeks ago, right after I said to mom that "I don't even have time to trim my shrubs!" she shared with me that I was still holding on to my perfectionism and that because God has a lot going on in my life right now, I need to chill. She is right, of course...the last thing I need to spend time stressed about while changing jobs and trying to adopt are shrubs- ha.

** Adoption Update** Besides the class on Saturday, this Sunday I spent 4 hrs completing some of the observation hours needed for the adoption certification. Part of my reasons for sharing is so people get a more accurate view of the children in need and to get rid of assumptions people might have already made about foster care children. I met 5 kid'os out of the 10 that stayed in this particular live-in facility; 2 white girls, two white boys and one Hispanic girl. Their ages were 5-10 yrs old. The two boys, "little Super-man" and "All smiles," were full of energy. I believe that "All smiles" was a permanent resident and that his bio-parents rights have been terminated by the state. He tended to escalate in his emotions very easily but loved working with blocks and with play-doh. "Little Super-man" was almost 7 yrs old and we had a blast lining up thin blocks to make them fall like dominoes. He loves numbers and can even shuffle cards! My heart and prayers have been on this little guy since his sister was recently adopted but that family decided they couldn't parent him. Plus, he had just said goodbye to his bio-mother for the last time because the state terminated her parental rights. Needless to say his emotions were raw and he was feeling extremely sensitive. There were 3 girls at the facility also. "Glitter glove" who was 10, wore a Michael Jackson hat and showed us all her best MJ dance moves, 6 yr old "Ladybug" who had only arrived 3 days previous and continually carried everything she owned in a backpack with her, and 6 yr old "Princess" who spent the majority of her time baking pretend cakes and food for an upcoming Princess and Prince wedding. :) I don't know the stories of  "Glitter glove" or "Ladybug" but I know that the bio-mom of "Princess" recently surrendered her to the agency and left high on meth. Developmentally, these children are probably behind a few years and unfortunately their social development is too high (meaning they know more about adult topics than a kid ever should) but they are sweet kids. One of the workers said it's so hard on her to hear their prayers before meals...especially when "little Super-Man" prays because all he prays about is that each of them will "get well" so that they can find forever families. This just goes to show that these kids are under the assumption that THEY are the ones with problems instead of realizing that it's their bio-parents who are going through issues. Any negative emotions, behaviors, and reactions they have are clearly trauma based! They need help healing, encouragement and people to share with them that they are valuable and wanted. *tears*

Last night, mom and I prayed for them and for His guidance for me in the process. I'm hopeful that my next observation visit might be at a group home they have for older children. If not, then I'll be thrilled to see this fab five again. Something else that warmed my heart was this guy that walked in during the early afternoon. All the kids ran to him and hugged him. I found out that he did not work there but that he simply comes in each weekend to visit the kids and play with them. Ahhhh...the sacrifice of his time and the love he showed them moved my heart! Gives ya a lot to think about...

After Earth - A story of sacrifice

Did you watch the movie "After Earth"? I was excited to see that the Dove movie review had given this PG movie a family friendly rating. I was not so surprised that many other movie reviewers deemed the movie as another failure and a flop for M. Night Shyamalan. But I thought it was great...you just have to go a little deep.

I won't share the movie's whole plot with you but looking at it through spiritual eyes...it's a lot about sacrifice. As I was watching it, my heart kept whispering, "Doesn't that remind you of Jesus? He was a man of sacrifice." 

*Spoiler Alert*
Over and over again, there was a theme of one willing to sacrifice themselves for another.  General Cypher Raige (Will Smith) was willing to die for his son Kitai (Jaden Smith) when he realized his son wouldn't have enough oxygen to complete his mission and get back to him, Kitai's sister, Senshi (Zoë Kravitz) sacrifices her life to save her brother, and Kitai risks his life to save is father. At one point in the movie, Kitai even risks his life to save a condor's babies from tigers. In turn, later in the movie the female condor sacrifices her own life to save Katai by covering him with her wings & body during the nightly thermal freeze. It's actually that last instant that moved me to tears in the theater. 

Because of the way the film was shot, the audience knows that Katai is about to freeze to death but as he is passing in and out of consciousnesses, something begins to pull him to safety and seeing through his eyes when he regains his senses for a bit, we see something is covering him. In the morning when he awakes, we realize that the female bird has covered him to keep him warm and in turn died during the night. In that instant, emotions of sacrifice and this scripture flooded my mind, 

'He will cover you with his feathers.
    He will shelter you with his wings.
    His faithful promises are your armor and protection.' ~ Psalm 91:4 NLT

Even as I write, tears well up in my eyes at the reminder that Jesus' sacrificed himself by letting me come under the shelter of his wings and he was willing to die the death I should have died...just as the bird and Senshi died the death Kitai should have died. Christ's protection covers me even now from the cold things of this life. He longs to wrap us up in his wings and provide us warmth, safety, hope and true life! I pray this reminder brings you comfort too. 

** PS - I've missed blogging! Hopefully, my schedule will begin allowing me to blog more often again. :)

Jesus and the Retractable Leash

I was flipping through the local radio channels in my car last week when I overheard a woman speaking on how God sometimes teaches us in unusual ways. She said God had recently taught her a lesson through her retractable leash.

She mentioned that when we get a puppy, we keep the leash short and have the puppy walk close to us. As the puppy grows and matures then we are able to begin releasing the leash more and more to give the dog more freedom to run.

"But," the woman continued, "it is the opposite as a Christian." When we become Christians we "leash ourselves" to Jesus. As baby-Christians, we tend to want a lot of "leash" to roam around. We continually tug away from God as we fight to give up those things that contaminate us yet as we grow and mature in Christ we should be striving [and succeeding] to walk closer and closer beside our Lord.

I think many dog owners can understand that visual! I was reminded of this illustration on Sunday when a brother read 2 Corinthians 7:1 "Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates the body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God."

PRACTICAL: Join me in asking yourself these questions:

• Am I still trying to pull on the leash to get certain worldly freedoms? (in music, TV, movies, bad social groups, with the opposite sex, with my time, with video games, violent materials or sports..)
• Am I calmly walking next to Jesus throughout my day? (spending deep, daily time with Him, sharing about Him with others during my day, praying wide prayers daily...)

I can see as I look back on my life that I've been retracting my spiritual leash more and more to walk closer to Jesus...yet I still have things I "tug on the leash" about...and I am determined to let them go and change! :)

Bless & Release

There has been a slight gap in my posts because of new changes in my life. And we all know that change can make us exhausted and stressed. Even so, the results of these changes have turned out great! 

The work team I've been a part of has been amazing and provided me some of the best experiences and success of my career so far. Even if the tasks before us seemed daunting, unattainable, or stressful, we would pull together, rock it and exceed expectations!

But, God made it obvious a few months ago that, after 8 years, it's time for a change. There has been an organizational shift in culture, outside of my team's control, to a more corporate, competitive mindset. Two valuable lessons I've learned in the past are that:

• You can find a work environment that fulfills you and work that you enjoy...and
• It's not mentally, emotionally, or physically healthy to stay in a work culture that you find negative.

Although it's a lot harder than it sounds, now I will have to take all my hard work and the successful program I've been overseeing and follow one of our sayings in our department... "bless and release." :) God's given me friends and mentors here that will last long after my final step outside the office building and for that I am grateful and content! 

Okay, three cheers for new adventures: Yay, yay, yay!

Random quotes by Robert Brault

One of my favorite free-lance writers. He has a quick-wit and unique perspective. Enjoy!

 

"I know this about reality  -- that it is better fashioned from hope than despair."

"Though we often wonder why God does what he does, we can be sure he does it on better information."

"Always laugh off a slight insult, so that people will understand what it means when you're not laughing."

When someone says to me, "I'm sorry if you took offense,"  I say, "Come back when you're sorry you gave it."

"Do not spend your life seeking security and then wonder why you never found happiness."

"There are couples a matchmaker would match every time -- and couples who, for no rhyme or reason, rhyme."

"Once you learn to do with what you have, it doesn't matter if you lose it, because you have learned to do with what you have."

"Eventually you realize that the reason God didn't always answer your prayers is that He was answering your mom's prayers."

"I count myself lucky, having long ago won a lottery paid to me in seven sunrises a week for life." 

"You never have a friend all figured out.  Just when you think you know what makes them tick, they tock."

And probably his most often quoted saying...

"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." 

Write the Story...

As part of my 10 x 10 x 10 discipline, I've been dedicating at least 10 minutes to being creative. This week my creativeness is focused on writing and that's been completely liberating! I found a website that provides both photo prompts for writing and tons of questions.

I do my fair share of writing at work and I did a ton of writing for college but this is truly creative writing. It is different because I can write in the way that best expresses my feelings. You can too!

maybe you'd like to write in lowercase like e.e. cummings? or in a beautiful cursive? or maybe you want to use long expressive sentences that flow across a page like soft hair spreading out on a silken white pillowcase. :) It's worth a try just to stretch your mind and thoughts out of the norm/comfort zone of your day. So if you want to play along...here are two photos...pick one and write five sentences to creatively describe what is happening. 

Another suggestion I came across was in the form of question answering or general prompts.
Here are a few I found on Creative-Portal.com

1. Who are you today?

1. What’s your story (how did you get here)?

1. Write a dialogue between your feminine and masculine sides.

1. What are your limitations, and are they self-imposed?

1. Describe a color in one word (without using the color's name).

Writing is refreshing. So go ahead and as William Wordsworth says, "Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart."

In-touch-ness

When a woman moves away from nature
 her heart becomes hard. - Lakota saying

One of the troubles with the weather getting hotter is that I find myself spending less and less time outside. Humidity, blazing sun, and hot blowing wind just does not make a pleasant environment for this pasty, curly haired girl! And, because of this, I have noticed that my spirit has been waning a bit and especially in its emotional in-touch-ness. [yeah, not a real word but fitting]. 

Even though last week I came across the Lakota saying above, it didn't strike a cord with me until Saturday afternoon when I found myself on the couch sobbing my eyes out. I was emotionally spent and realized I'd not taken a real break to catch my breath in a few weeks. Can you relate?
 
American naturalist, John Burroughs once said, "I go to nature to be soothed and healed, and to have my senses put in order." How true! When I'm in nature, I feel I'm spending the deepest time with God and I come back soothed and healed. So to protect my emotional health and creative spirit, I made a decision. Each day that I can...and I hope to do it more days than not... I am going to be intentional about spending at least 10 minutes outside, 10 minutes being creative, and 10 minutes just stretching and breathing. Maybe I'll go outside on the back porch and write a poem or outside in the garden and stretch? Maybe I'll eat lunch outside under a tree or take a mid-morning walk? No matter the 'when' or the 'how', this is a MUST for my health and my tear-stained couch cushions are the proof. So I'm moving towards nature a bit more to soften my heart, be soothed and healed.

What about you? How is your sense of rhythm and in-touch-ness lately? Well, maybe you need to make some changes too? Use this "10 x 10 x 10 discipline", baby! *smile* Take that 10 minute walk beside the lake's edge, a 10 minute stroll through a flower garden, or a long look at the horizon? How about 10 minutes to jot down a short story or doodle a cartoon character? You can make the 10 x 10 x 10 discipline whatever meets your needs... I just hope that if you need it, then you take it. :)