Creativity Prompts

Taken on a recent walk on my block

Lately, my creativity has been vaporized. I've been wanting to be artistic and do something inspiring but, alas, I'm too haggard by the end of the day to even think. I won't say that suddenly being a single, 42 year old mom of two older children is the reason...however, the lifestyle change cannot be denied. :) Still...#adoptionrocks.

So last night I left the kids to their own devices, locked my master suite door and have hidden myself away so that I could lead my heart and mind towards something imaginative. (or at least briefly stimulating) While searching for writing prompts, I scrolled across three prompts that hinted at being deserving of attention. Maybe they will inspire you as you read along as well.

• Name three places that make you feel whole. 
• What do you never want to forget about yourself or your life right now?
• Make a list of 10 things you want to stop overthinking.

My Three Places: Being in the sanctuary of my master bedroom gives me privacy, calmness and more wholeness. It's a warm, clean, and spacious chamber filled with reminders of past adventures, future dreams and modern comforts. My backyard is another place where a feeling of wholeness swiftly yet sensitively embraces me. The grass is lush and my massive fig tree shelters me from most of my neighbors' view. There I can rest, think and read quietly as birds chirps and a few mutts bark. The third "place" that I feel whole inside is a secret place of my spirit when I take communion on my knees. Even if loads of people are around me, while on my knees during this time, I feel simply drawn close to God...the ultimate Home for me. 

Cementing This Time: This is a curious prompt but one that I knew fit well for this time in my life. I would never want to forget the past few months as I've fought hard to stay centered and build my family through adoption. I'd like to remember how many times my son has expressed his view of me, "You are always happy." This seems strange to me since, in my book at least, I've lost my patience an extreme amount of times. But I know that in my perceptions of events, I often cast myself in a negative light. So, may I remember instead that many times I'm a hero in my own life story. 

My Top 6 List of Overthinking (which was written as 10 above but six was all that came to mind...yay!)

1. If the words I share about life, wisdom and Jesus are enough for my children to heal and grow?
2. If my children feel my love and care or do they feel overwhelmed by redirection?
3. What work will be like with a new boss?
4. Do I have ample savings?
5. Is Trickle (dominate, resident cat) really sick or does she just have bad allergies?
6. Where did all my creativity go?

I'm hopeful this little post will help me get into my creative routine again and inspire someone else too. Thanks for reading!

Embrace the Mystery

Currently, I'm waiting to get news on when a staffing meeting will be held by the state to decide whether or not I'd be a good match for a preteen boy who needs a forever family. There is a lot of hopefulness that I'll get picked and also a ton of waiting right now which can make me impatient. All the workers are probably busy with helping other grateful families during National Adoption Month and also the Thanksgiving holiday being right around the corner could delay things. So I find myself moving between content in the timing and impatient for answers. And let me just tell you, "impatience for answers" is never a healthy place for me to camp out. So tonight, I'm spending some time with God meditating on the beauty of mystery. I've been in the bible, in some poetry books and searching online on the topic of mystery. This time reflecting on the mysteries of God has been so refreshing. I'm finding that an amazing calmness springs up in my heart as I embrace how mysterious the Lord is in everything He orchestrates. Here's just a taste...enjoy! 
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1 Timothy 3:16 "Without question, this is the great mystery of our faith: Christ was revealed in a human body and vindicated by the Spirit. He was seen by angels and announced to the nations. He was believed in throughout the world and taken to heaven in glory." 

A.W. Tozer, " We cover our deep ignorance with words, but we are ashamed to wonder, we are afraid to whisper mystery." 

Ecc. 11:5 TLB, God’s ways are as mysterious as the pathway of the wind and as the manner in which a human spirit is infused into the little body of a baby while it is yet in its mother’s womb. 

Matthew Henry commentary on Ecc. 11 [para] - We don't know the way of the Spirit. We know not when it comes, or when it goes, or when it will turn. The same can be said of the human soul; we know that God made us, and gave us these souls, but how our specific souls entered into these bodies, are united to them, animate them, and operate upon them, we can't understand! The soul is a mystery. For all that we do know, we cannot describe the infusing of the body with a soul; both, we know, are the work of God, and we yield to in his work, but cannot trace the process of the operation. And because of this great mystery and his powerful working, we may well trust God to provide for us... 

Build, with faith, in the wait.

New table - has butterfly leaf that transforms it to seat 8 people!

Lately, I think I've been nesting again. Life with my daughter is going amazing and although God's not opened the door yet for another child for me or a sibling for her, we've been doing what families do...soaking up life together.

We have also been preparing for the upcoming holidays. Our Halloween yard decorations are planned already since she has begged me to "make it legit this year, Mom." *laughing* Done, girl. Recently, I bought a beautiful dining room table and chairs that seats up to 8 people. I was a bit cautious at first but, after visiting 10 stores looking for the perfect table, I'm ecstatic with this buy. Our new table has already gotten so much use now that we have something larger and a bit more comfy. Another holiday I recently made a purchase for was Christmas. I swooped up a dreamy Christmas tree! This artificial tree stands proudly at 7.5 ft. and is heavily flocked with long needles and gentle, white lights.

So what's with all the money spending? Well, I've been praying about that and thinking a lot about my purchases to check my motives. (Do you ever do that?) The only way I can explain it is that when I "nest" I'm building, with faith, in the wait. This is not the first time I've done this either. For example, I just celebrated the five year anniversary of purchasing my home. Five short years ago, I bought a three bedroom home as a single woman. This.was.a.faith.move. I had no one to fill the house. No potential female roommates from church, no children, and I wasn't dating anyone but God drew me to the home. I knew it as soon as I walked through the door that I was suppose to buy this house and I knew He would fill it and make it a home! So in the meantime I nested. Even back then, I built, with faith, in the wait until finally, BAM, I have a daughter! Ha. #adoptionrocks

And I'm waiting again. I'm waiting for God to add to my family because something in my spirit tells me God's not done. I have no clue on his timing. I have zero information on the plans He's drawn up but I'm committed to keep building with faith during this wait. After all, there is only two of us in my home right now but I just bought a table for eight! That's a faith move! But I believe God can fill it...one way or another and if He does, my home will be ready. This morning, I can say with confidence, "My God is up to something!" I can't tell you exactly what, who, or even when but I feel His prompting as He's preparing my heart so I'm preparing too. I want to be ready.

Are you waiting on something to happen that God's placed on your heart? How are you building, with faith, during your wait? I think for many of us, it's hard to make faith moves because we think more about how stupid we'd feel if things don't turn out than about how much it pleases God to take steps of faith! So let me remind you...if you make faith moves, God can come through. Don't you believe that He wants to come through?! Work on stretching your faith and be bolder. Have faith in God.
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Faith verses to ponder: 

2 Samuel 22:26 “To the faithful you [God] show yourself faithful; to those with integrity you show integrity.

Psalm 119:30 "I have chosen to be faithful; I have determined to live by your [the Lord's] regulations.

Isaiah 7:9 "But this is what the Sovereign Lord says...Unless your faith is firm, I cannot make you stand firm.” 

Habakkuk 2:4 “...But the righteous will live by their faithfulness to God.

Matthew 9:29 "Then he [Jesus] touched their eyes and said, “Because of your faith, it will happen.”

Matthew 15:28 “Dear woman,” Jesus said to her, “your faith is great. Your request is granted.” And her daughter was instantly healed.

Matthew 17:20-21 “You don’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible. Then Jesus told them, “I tell you the truth, if you have faith and don’t doubt, you can do things like this and much more. You can even say to this mountain, ‘May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea,’ and it will happen.”

Matthew 21:22 "You can pray for anything, and if you have faith, you will receive it.” ~Jesus

Galatians 5:22 "But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness..."

2 Thessalonians 1:11 "So we keep on praying for you, asking our God to enable you to live a life worthy of his call. May he give you the power to accomplish all the good things your faith prompts you to do.

Hebrews 11:1 "Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.

Hebrews 11:6 "And it is impossible to please God without faith. Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that God exists and that he rewards those who sincerely seek him.

James 1:2-4 "Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

New Christmas Tree

The Comfort Embrace

This picture makes me smile because the angle
makes her hair seem super long! But it's the horse's tail. ha

Over the past year it has happened several times, but there are two times I remember being surprised by it. Once when my daughter returned from the most recent church teen camp and then today. Being that my girl will be 17 years old in a few months, I am shocked each time it happens. It's what I call "the comfort embrace."

When Rene' got off the bus after being gone for a week at camp, I guess I expected her to be a bit stand-offish with me while around her peers but instead, she bounced off the bus and straight into my arms in full view of, well everyone. And it wasn't a quick hug...it was a full on, let me stand here and be held embrace. I felt so loved!

Today, she spent time with new friends and had a day full of horseback riding and swimming. [More pics below] I picked her up from a local ranch and when she saw me, she walked up to me, "fell" into my arms and again just stood there in my embrace. 

So as I was driving us home today, the story of the Prodigal Son came to mind. I tend to picture that returning son falling into the arms of a comfort embrace with his Dad [Luke 15]. The embrace is one of those, "I'm so tired and glad to be with you that I just want to be held" type of hugs. And I REALLY want this type of relationship with God! But I found myself wondering when the last time was that I just "fell" into His loving embrace or cuddled snugly into the hope of my salvation or even let myself rest in the comfort of all that Christ's love is in my life? I think it's been too long! Do I even view God as the God of Comfort? Am I forgetting how much he loves to have me in a Comfort Embrace? Yes. I've forgotten that lately. And I don't think I reflect on Him as the Lord who loves to comfort us - but He totally does! 

So, as I'm looking up "comfort" in the bible, I'm seeing how MUCH our God really loves to comfort us and how He continually wants us in His Comfort Embrace! Want proof? Here are some verses I've been reflecting on - may they bring you comfort too. 

• Isaiah 40:1-3Comfort for God's People -  “Comfort, comfort my people, says your God. “Speak tenderly to Jerusalem. Tell her that her sad days are gone and her sins are pardoned."

• Isaiah 57: 18-19, "I have seen what they do, but I will heal them anyway! I will lead them. I will comfort those who mourn, bringing words of praise to their lips. May they have abundant peace, both near and far,” says the Lord, who heals them."

• Isaiah 61:1 [ Good News for the Oppressed ] The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me [Jesus - ref. Luke 4], for the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to proclaim that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed.

• 2 Corinthians 1:3 [ God Offers Comfort to All ] "All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort." ...and verses 4-5

• Also read - Zechariah 1:12-14

• Psalm 94: 19, "When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer." 

• Psalm 119: 50, "Your promise revives me; it comforts me in all my troubles."

• Psalm 86: 17b, "...for you, O Lord, help and comfort me. 

• Psalm 23:4 HCSB, "Even when I go through the darkest valley, I fear no danger, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff - they comfort me."

Deep Roots with God

Take a look at this tree in the picture below. It's obviously fallen, taken a beating in the Texas heat, and is under distress. But besides that, do you notice how most of this tree's leaves are still green? Take note with me that, even though it's fallen, instead of removing it and chopping it up for wood, the business has simply mowed around it. This intrigues me! This fallen tree has become a daily reminder to me about the value of having deep roots with God. You see, this tree fell months ago.

I'm not sure what happened. One day I drove by on my way to work and suddenly there it was in the grass looking as though it's completely disconnected. It's one of those things you notice casually at first and give only a passing thought to but then as the days, weeks, and months have gone by, it seems to whisper a valiant reminder and I marvel. 

In one way or another, we can all relate to this fallen tree. Over the past few weeks, I've felt knocked over. Besides Miss M. deciding she'd rather age out of foster care than be adopted by any family and that I have been extremely sick, I've felt impoverished artistically. Although this may seem small to most people, my fellow creatives know what a big deal that can be! I also have felt depleted of inspiration to blog. I'm struggling to feel inspired towards adventure. And most importantly, I'm lacking depth or emotions in my coffee and cozy times with God. : (  

But God is always showing himself to be fabulously faithful! And recently He reminded me of this tree. This tree obviously has one heck of a deep root! So today I've searched out scriptures to share and I hope they inspire you as well. May your roots go deep with God, my friend!

The bible says: 

"But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green and they never stop producing fruit." Jeremiah 17:7-9

"I pray that from his [God's] glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God's love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how long, how high, and how deep his love is." Ephesians 3:16-18

"And now, just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord, you must continue to follow him. Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness." Colossians 2:6-8

Inspiring Songs for Young Women

One thing I decided to create in 2014 right before my daughter moved in from foster care was a playlist of music. The list is meant to inspire her as a young women and to be played especially during the summer while we are in the car or jamming out to music at the house.

Even today, as another young lady is about to move in this summer, I find myself adding to it. I feel strongly that positive words and music can strengthen our character and resolve! Since my daughters are healing from tremendous heartache and have been bombarded by stress and negativity for several years, this is one thing I created to love up on them. 

You may not be familiar with some of these songs and you might not completely agree with some of what they share...that's okay. These songs have a range of themes and are from different decades or genres but are all meant to either be inspiring or spur our conversations and give me an avenue to teach lessons. Because my girls are teens, I know that music is especially powerful! I have over 65 songs complied in this particular playlist so the list below is a slightly shortened version I thought others might enjoy too!

I Lived - OneRepublic
Brave - Sara Bareilles
Make It Out This Town - Eve & Gabe Saporta
Just Fine - Mary J. Blige
Who Says - Selena Gomez
I Won't Back Down - Tom Petty
I'll Stand By You - Pretenders
Stand Up - Jessie J
You Don't Own Me - Lesley Gore
He Knows My Name - Francesca Battistelli

Price Tag - Jessie J
Fight Another Day - Addison Road
One Girl Revolution [Battle Mix]- Superchick
Perfect [clean version] - Pink
Soar - Christina Aguilera
Same in Any Language - I Nine
Who You Are - Jessie J
Hate On Me - Jill Scott
Masterpiece - Jessie J
Nobody Love - Tori Kelly
Corner of Queens - Walk Off the Earth
Eyelashes - Tori Kelly
I'm a Survivor - Destiny's Child
Stomp - [Remix] - Kirk Franklin
Life is Wonderful - Jason Mraz
Go Get It - Mary Mary
Black or White - Michael Jackson
Turn Off the Light - Nelly Furtado
Take a Back Road - Rodney Atkins
Howlin' At The Moon - Sam Bush

Better People - India Arie
Stronger - Kelly Clarkson
Just Around the Riverbend - Pocahontas
Three Little Birds - Strange Magic version
There's Hope & Video - India Arie
My Wish - Rascal Flatts
Listen - Beyonce'

Daydream - Tori Kelly
I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor
Man in the Mirror - Michael Jackson
Where Is The Love? - The Black Eyed Peas
No Giving Up - Crossfade
Appletree - Erykah Badu
I Gotta Feeling - The Black Eyed Peas
You Can't Hurry Love - Phil Collins
Good Fight - Unspoken

Stand - Rascal Flatts
Thank You - Alanis Morissette
Life is a Highway - Rascal Flatts
Best Day of My Life - American Authors
Shake it Off - Taylor Swift
Bills, bills, bills - Destiny's Child

How to Save a Life - The Fray
Say Hey - Strange Magic version
Home - Phillip Phillips

Adoption Update & Self-Care Tips for Reading CPS Files

(apologies for the long title but I wanted it to be searchable for other families on a topic I couldn't find a blog post about in my own searches) 

This has been an amazing year so far. Life as a new mom has been terrific and my daughter is doing wonderful. After her adoption and with my home on "hold" with the agency, we've continued spending time bonding, growing and deepening our relationship as mother and daughter. She's also been growing in her relationships with her new grandparents (my folks) too. I'm already so proud of the young woman she's becoming and all the ways she's grown!

And now...there's another door opening. I decided not to close my home after the adoption because I knew there was a chance I might adopt again. I felt it would be easier to keep my certification up to date verses starting the whole certification process over again. In March, I re-opened my home! I knew the process of finding a match could take a while and that soon many children in foster care would be shifting homes again since often children are shuffled to different homes at the end of each school year. It seem this may be done in an attempt to encourage adoption either of the current foster families or to try to place children in a new home that may be more adoption motivated.

Shortly after being reopened I was on the phone with a caseworker to discuss how my certification was being switched over from foster-to-adopt to adopt-only again so that we could make certain I received broadcasts of children who are already legally free and open to finding an adoptive family. She also reminded me of how long a matched adoption could take. Fortunately, just a short time after our conversation ended she called again and said, "You aren't going to believe this but a broadcast just came in and I think she might be a great match!"

As soon as I read the broadcast, I thought, "uh yeah!" Honestly, this young lady seems an amazing match for us. :) My daughter is beyond excited that we were matched and selected as a family for this new young lady, Miss M.! And God has not only answered so many of my prayers but he has been building my faith and courage at every step. Honestly, I really have to cling to those answered prayers and faith-courage because, unlike with my daughter, I'll be committing to an adoption placement of Miss M. sight unseen. All I have is a few pictures of this beautify 15 yr old teen, the small bio she wrote for her broadcast and two huge, heartbreaking binders of her case from CPS. It's totally a leap of faith! I have to choose to be faithful and trust in God. 

So now to the second reason I felt compelled to blog this morning. Reading the CPS files is beyond HARD so I wanted to share some things that help me during this stage of the process:

1. Set aside some quite hours for reading them. Both times now, I've taken a half day off from work for reading CPS files. There are a ton of court documents, medical evaluations and case worker reports. Many of the documents will have redundant, dry paragraphs with maybe one sentence changed but I find that often that one changed sentence will have extremely valuable information! So you may have to skim pages just for your own sanity but I wouldn't skip anything completely. On average it takes me one hour per binder to read. 

2. Have a paper and pen with you. There can be a lot of acronyms that you may want the definitions to and you will come across some information that will bring up questions - write them down. Because the sections are barely tabbed, I tend to dog-ear pages so I can find important information quickly again in them. 

3. Prepare your support system. Let them know you are reading the CPS file and it'll be hard. Remind them you won't be sharing details but that you may need to talk some or even pray together to help process what you've read. Married couples may have each other to debrief with but they might need to talk things out with someone else too. As a single woman, I call my Mom, talk to my Papa some and to a best friend as a confidant to process my thoughts. 

4. Try to set up a lighthearted activity after reading the files. For me, there are always moments when I'm reading the files that I will cry as I read the tough things a child has gone through. My heart physically aches! So afterwards is a good time to practice some quality self-care. I don't recommend reading these files at night before bed. Instead give your mind some time to process before heading off to sleep. Some self-care could include: Praying, going for a walk, taking a relaxing hot shower, doing something active (basketball, bike riding etc..) watching a happy movie or if you have pets - play with them! :) 

5. Finally, although it's great to have more understanding of the history, I really try to focus on how the child is doing over the past year. Yes, there may have been behaviors when they first entered care that are concerning but you can't forget that they were under extreme stress and dealing with tremendous loss! Their history is a part of their story but it doesn't have to be what defines them. We all do things as kids/teens that are not great...so I try to remember sometimes behaviors may be trauma related but sometimes they are just kids being kids. If you have serious concerns, talk to your caseworker about them for insight. They work closely with kids from hard places and can help you to decide if a behavior is a deal-breaker or not. 

So what's next? 

I believe I will be heading towards Presentation Staffing. I will meet with all those involved in Miss M.'s life (caseworkers, fosters, maybe CASA, counselor, etc) and I will ask my questions. After that, I foresee the next step as giving my official "yes" for this adoption placement and getting time set up for meeting my next daughter! It's a scary time and an extremely exciting time...but most of all, I hope it's finally time for this young lady to get her forever family.

** Update - Regretfully, Miss M has decided to age out of foster care instead of being adopted. So with surrender and hope...we move on. <3