Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Wooing Men?

Wooing - It's the action of trying to gain the love of someone. Typically, this word is used when a man is 'pursuing' a woman in whom he has a romantic interest. Yet, there has been a huge shift. Many women now are trying to woo men.

I see women working hard to 'show' guys what a great wife they would be if they were chosen. I've seen them cooking for men, washing their clothes, going on vacations with them, and rushing to hang out with men at a drop of a hat when he suddenly calls or sends a text out of the blue. Usually I see this with women who are dating but I have seen it in women who aren't even dating the guy. You've seen it, I've seen it and honestly, in the past, I know I've done it.

Let me continue to pull no punches and write that for Christian women, it's the equivalent of the old saying, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" We don't give sex...we give service in an effort to woo. And what happens as a result? Men get lazy and women get hurt. Sadly, it is a hurt we cause ourselves though.

In Ruth 3:10 Boaz says to Ruth, “The LORD bless you, my daughter,” he replied. “This kindness is greater than that which you showed earlier: You have not run after the younger men, whether rich or poor.

When you pray next, you might ask God:
  • Lord, do I chase after men?
  • Am I wooing them to prove myself?
  • Do I try to mask it by saying, 'I'm only trying to encourage my brother!'?
On a wider scale, we might even try to woo our dads into seeing we are really good daughters or try to woo our boss (if he's a guy) that we are the best employee ever. Often it is tough to see our own motives, that's why prayer and asking others about it is great! Many times we run to woo men instead of being secure in God, being still and trusting Him.

Now we know I'm not writing about simply being nice, subtly showing your interest in him or encouraging every once in a while. For years and years now, I've been trying to share non-settling tips with my sisters. Most single women disagree with me even though the tips I've learned have been shared with me by men! I recently read two blog articles by a husband & his wife called Real Men Don't Text: The Lost Art of Chivalry" & "Real Women Don't Text Back." Their writing is more edgy - just an FYI - but worth a read.

Sadly, many women will keep wooing until they get fed up & wise up or unfortunately get bitter towards men. Am I an expert? Well, I am if you consider the 19+ years of 'wooing' I did in all my dating relationships. You might say, "But I'm so lonely..." and I'd have to respond with the true and simple lyrics from a song in the 80's, "Owner of a lonely heart, ooh, much better than an owner of a broken heart." Darling, don't settle and don't forget your worth in Christ! Please consider: turning a brother down for a date where his notice is short (like the day before or day of!), do not build a 'text' relationship, don't over give in your encouragement or your time, let him lead out in building your friendship, and for goodness sakes - stop doing his dishes!

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  1. I may be old school, but I am waiting to be woo-ed by a man. I believe that men are supposed to pursue women. If he is interested in me, he will come after me. There will be no dropping everything I am doing for a man. I want someone to make plans for me, not expect me to drop everything!

    (Found your blog from Faithful Bloggers, and can't wait to read more!)

  2. Welcome Keirstin! Thanks for letting me know you are here :) When times get challenging and I've found so much encouragement from women, like you, who remind me to keep being strong in the conviction not to settle.

  3. I completely agree with you about women who try too hard to woo men or make themselves too available. "Men get lazy and women get hurt" is very well-put. There's something alluring about a women who is confident enough in herself to have her own life and not respond to every call of a man. I do, however, have a contention with your interpretation of the Ruth passage to back up your point. You'll note that the context of the passage was that Ruth was advised to covertly but boldly declare her interest in Boaz by laying down at the foot of wherever he slept that night. She hardly waited around for him to take action on his own. His observation that she did not "run after the younger men" applies only to the present situation--that she chose him over the younger men available, despite his age. Some men, no matter how established, mature, well-off, etc., need an (obvious) push in the right direction by a woman not afraid to show she's interested.

    Now, both Ruth and Naomi expected that Boaz would take the next action: "He will tell you what to do." If a man doesn't get the hint or take action to pursue, that should be the end of it.

  4. I appreciate you commenting Moses. I think it is important to remember that Boaz was the initiator and giving in their interactions (Ruth 2: 8-9, 14, even in Ruth 3:15 etc). Your right, his comment did apply to her proposal to him on the threshing floor but I do believe it speaks to her character overall.