Manna: An Unexpected But Welcome Blessing

 

To say I wasn't ready for my Manna cat's passing is an understatement. With no prior warning to any illness my big ragdoll passed away during the night curled up peacefully next to me. 

Shock and disbelief. 

I hate sudden change, especially sudden death. There is something about that which seems unreal. I was probably in shock most of the day but in the pandemic life right now, I don't have the luxury of putting everything on hold to grieve. 

Fortunately, I've done A LOT of emotional work on grieving with the passing of other animals. At night is the hardest time for me because that routine is when I would care, play and cuddle with Manna the most. I pick up his ashes tomorrow, which will be hard and every time I look at the cat tower and see the box he used to sleep in, my heart aches. 

With every loss, I always refer back to a book that teaches all the things we never learn as children about loss and grieving, The Grief Recovery Handbook. This book guided me through my previous losses and opened my eyes to the fact that death is not the only loss we experience. Loss visits us in hundreds of ways. 

Anyway, as always, I go through writing a little letter to my pets when they pass. They contain three elements: apologies, forgiveness, and "I want you to know" statements. This is very healing to my heart. 

Dearest Manna, 

I've been thinking about our time together all the way back from your kitten'hood and have some things to share. First, I apologize for not playing with you extra the night you passed away. Had I known, of course we would have played extra with the laser. I apologize for not taking extra time to pat you or kiss your sweet forehead. You have the softest fur on the planet, I swear. I apologize for letting the bird feeder stay on the ground so long instead of putting it up sooner for you to have fun and watch more birds. I forgive you for leaving so suddenly and for being the type of cat who often hid their illness. And of course, although easier for you, I forgive the fact that you died in my bed next to me with nothing I could do. Sorry for freaking out. I don't think there was a single thing you ever did that made me upset...well, maybe drooling on me when you were super comfy and I was patting you. Ha. I want you to know how much joy and laughter you brought into my life. You were playful as a kitten, scampering around with your zippy's when you got to run for the first time. You tried so hard to win Sunny and Trickle over, and finally did. You were Sunny's biggest companion and Trickle's largest comfort when she passed away. I want you to know that I miss you, fluffer-butt, and wish you weren't gone. Thank you for loving me, bringing me comfort, and teaching me so many valuable lessons on trust and gratitude. Rest well. 

Love, me.

Fall 2020 "Bucket List"

I am part of a Hygge group on Facebook and a member named Mitzi Barber created a fall bucket list for the group. I adjusted it for items I could do in Texas and thought I'd share. I also created a post with additional ideas a few years back. You can find it here: Fall Season To-Do Ideas 

A Cute Gift for Your Love

I made this cute, small gift for my wonderful beau and wanted to share this idea on how to encourage your significant other: 

1. Grab a small notebook. Mine was from a birthday adventure I had at an AirBnB called the Cell Block

2. Take a spare lipstick, lather it on thick and "kiss" several pieces of paper.

3. Under those kisses, write encouraging quotes or love messages then cut them out.

4. Using tape/lamination sheets, cover over the kiss and quotes so they won't smudge.

5. Next, cut around each one, then tape one per page of the notebook. 

6. Write a thoughtful message on the front page explaining the journal.

7. Add a single kiss on the cover, wrap and surprise them. 

Family time during the Quarantine

Spending time with family in late July through early August. My grandma celebrated her 90th birthday! My daughter's coworker braided her hair and taught her its African background. My son built his sister a sweet computer and has been spending time with friends. Branch is doing well but like us he is ready for the weather to cool down so we can spend more time outside. I'm also still working remotely and have been inspired by Hamilton's release on Disney+.

Why It's Time to Prioritize Your Patriotism

Patriotism: devotion to and vigorous support for one's country.

Recently I've begun flying the American flag at my home. I know it may not "be popular" with all that is happening in our country right now but hear me out. When we first moved here, most of my neighbors would fly the American flag but lately a few of them have replaced theirs to fly Trump 2020 flags instead.

Just like we've seen with the term Christian, the political and religious right have attempted to monopolize our flag and patriotism as though it represents only them. I decided it is time to prioritize patriotism because this is our American and our flag. Even through protests and riots, those stars represent US (pun intended) and our continued hope and grip for our united belief of Liberty, Freedom, and Justice for all. 

Hearing the Star Spangled Banner still fills me with emotion when sung but ultimately, the flag is only a symbol of what you hold it to be. For me, I want to stand out from my Trump supporting neighbors...or maybe just lead out with a better example. My desire is to honor those who serve our country...both military and civilian alike. 

If you do decide you'd like to raise a flag on your home or property, there is a flag code and etiquette for handling and display. Please know there are no imposed penalties for misuse of the American flag. Civilians are asked to do the best they can in following a respectful etiquette. If you ever decide to hoist the flag, below are some tips that helped me! 

• Where should I place the flag on my home? A place of prominence where it doesn't get tangled or mangled with anything. Flags are suggested to hang to the left of the front door when people face your house. Recently, you may have seen this photo of a person carrying the US flag upside down. Some turn the flag upside down in protest however the truest meaning of having the US flag upside down is that you are needing help and in distress. This is why I find the photo below so moving. #BlackLivesMatter
  
  
  
• Flag material? US flags are often brought inside during inclement weather unless they are an all weather flag, usually made of fade-resistant nylon. Mine is all-weather and embroidered so it's a bit heavier. You can buy printed flags and they wave more in the wind but won't last as long. I purchased a kit for about $30 from a hardware store and it had everything I needed.
• When do flags fly? Normally, the flag is raised "briskly at sunrise and lowered ceremonially at sunset." I wanted to keep mine up for a while and most encourage the purchase of a solar, dusk-to-dawn spot light so it can be illuminated after dark. Below is mine lit up at "the twilight's last gleaming." If you only want to put one out on special occasions that's great too! There are several lists online with appropriate dates or you can sign up for a text messages for reminders and updates (if suddenly there is a call to bring it to half-staff).
  
  
  
• Half-mast vs half-staff. Most people use these terms interchangeable, however half-mast usually refers to flags on ships or naval bases. But what do you do when you have a house flag that doesn't go to half-staff? The acceptable practice is to place a black ribbon on your flag. This is the one I purchased for mine. :)
  
  

To be honest, you could spend HOURS researching and reading about the flag etiquette. PBS has an interesting history on the flag that you can read as well: https://www.pbs.org/a-capitol-fourth/history/old-glory/

Camping: Into the wild

 "Into the wild I go, losing my way but finding my soul."[anony, nd]

The family spent some time camping during the quarentine. We are novice to say the least. Since most of the state parks were still closed at the time in Texas, I used the website Hipcamp to locate tent camping opportunities to stay on others properties. This one was between Glen Rose and Cleburne. We had planned on staying two nights however storms blew in the first night. Being in a humid tent in the wind and rain is NOT my idea of a good time. We pulled camp the next day. Ha. Still, it was an adventure. 

Creating a Word Toolbox

I was challenged to create a poem based on a "Word Toolbox." The idea is that you pull books off your shelf, flip to random pages then write down words or phrases that stand out to you.

I grabbed an older book of classic stories and, after researching some uncommon words for definitions, wrote the poem below.  

Ancient Mistress

"My little camp sits betwixt an oaken thicket and moonlit lagoon.

Tonight I carefully select a perfect cudgel then head for a walk around the water's frayed shores.

I did not use all the words so that my short visual poem wasn't jumbled.

Answering the Question: "Who Are You?"

In a book I am reading, one artist is asked the question, "Who Are You? She wrote a poem to describe herself. I loved the idea of using symbolism to answer. Mine is below.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Who Am I?

I am cozy warm blankets
that all creatives bundle up in.
Sunrises and singing,
calm dark with sleeping. 

I am lightening bugs flashing
quietly in the forest.
And bridges, the ones connecting cities.

Ask me tomorrow and
growth will change the picture
because, who I am
is like the dawn. 



_________________________________________________________________________________

Covid19 Routine

Life is so different right now. Sometimes I pause and am amazed. Like many of us, I have struggled hard for a routine during this Covid19 pandemic. The day speeds away from me and easily run together. So for my mental health I purchased a book to help me calm down at night and focus my creativity.

The first challenge was to document my day. Often we try to set up "perfect shots" but I just let them be. As I am feeling the chaos of the times, well, the chaos of my photos make sense. I took mostly morning shots and decided to only do black and white images.

Do you have creative projects during this time to settle yourself? If not, no worries! Do not add more stress right now if that's what a creative project would bring your spirit. But, if you are looking for simple ideas, then I'll be sharing my experiences from the book above.

Shot List

• Google mini rise and shine
• Hmmm, Coffee
• Ground control, Major Tom

 

Ataraxia - A State of Freedom

For my birthday, I escaped to the woods. I enjoyed a Getaway cabin around La Rue, Texas for two nights of peaceful relaxation. 

The cabin, named Marie, was set off the road and had a drive way lined with daffodils. My stay there was calm and simple. I could barely see the neighboring cabins so it felt secluded but I did not feel nervously alone. 

During my visit I caught up on some reading, wrote in my journal, roasted marshmallows, did some items in their activity book, and let the sounds of the forest breeze over me. 

Below are a few photos in random order. 

Birthday Dinner

Part of their activity sheet

The Willing Heart - Chasing Surrender

Photos by my daughter

'She drove through the darkness and her intention was resolute. By appearance an outsider might envision her chasing the sun and finally catching up with the light as it crested over the horizon. However, she had driven for hours because something else was driving her…an anxious heart. 

She pulled into a parking lot next to a lake. As she watched the water caress the edge of the earth she knew this would be a place of surrender and connection. Silently sliding from her car, she took a long, gentle stretch to allow her muscles to lengthen, as well as her mind. Eventually, she reached inside again to grab her pen and notebook, bible and coffee then strolled over to a sizable rock. 

After arranging all her items, she took one small sip of coffee and plunged into the depths of vigorously writing. Dark blue words 'wet' the page in rhythm with the waves as they reached their zenith on shore. In the aftermath of her heart being completely poured out, she ripped those fibrous sheets from the notebook and trudged over to her rock's edge with them. Her hands tore those written words and fears to shreds while she whispered prayers of surrender.

Then as she stood there softening, the wind swept up from behind her towards the lake and her hands loosened their grip so that the pieces were gently taken away. Quietly watching them land in the waves to be carried far from her, she smiled.' by Silver Trumpets