Thursday, March 27, 2014

What was it like adopting a sibling group...?

I found this discussion online and I thought it was great! There was no image I could pin but I had to find a way to save it to my board :)

In response to the question, "What was it like adopting a sibling group...?" some responses were:
  • We are getting certified, and originally, the "top 3" potential adoptive children on our list was a single 14-year old girl, a single 12-year old boy, and a single 9-year old boy. There were two minor delays that were mostly out of our hands in the certification process, and we believed/ believe that God was delaying it for some reason, but still encouraging us to plan on adopting soon.The "top 3" have all gotten adoptive families! This is wonderful, especially considering most older children/ teens are never adopted. Now we are more seriously considering adopting a sibling group of 3 or 4. We already have two biological children, a six-year old and a 10-month old. 

  • We adopted a sibling group of three. Adopting a sibling group can be a great choice--it was for us. Firstly, adopting a sibling group made the transition to this family easier for all of them. They have been able to be with each other which has made them feel far more content with the process. In addition, having the three of them together means that all of us can talk about their first family together--they remember their family whom they talk about and it comforts them to know they shared the experiences to a large degree (it makes them feel less alone and less at fault).The hardest thing about adopting siblings is that each child needs a huge amount of individual attention as each is going through a different grieving process and each adjusts at his or her own pace. We were not prepared for the amount of time that we would give up. Sometimes our oldest just needed me to sit with him for hours without saying a word. He was processing all of the change and needed to feel like he wasn't alone. He didn't need me to "do" or "fix" anything, but he needed me to be there for the very few times that he would ask a question or say something to me. The time for us was just about being there for each child in the way each needed. Honestly, it took almost a year for us to even have the time to keep up on yardwork, housework and socializing with friends (at least those without children). Of course, it was absolutely worth it.I think it was a wonderful choice for all of us. Our children are older so they can tell us that they are happy here and are glad that they are together. I'm just happy to laugh and play together. 

  • We have fostered for the past 12 years and have had many sibling groups. Overall, you need to remember that children of this age who are in care will have a lot of emotional baggage and deep seated feelings of rejection which may manifest themselves in behavioral difficulties.Don't underestimate how thankless and draining trying to help children like this can be. If you have other young children, it is likely they would miss out on lots of your attention as children with histories of rejection often 'need' lots of your attention and can get jealous and possessive easily. Of course there will be lots of happy moments too but don't expect the children to be instantly gracious and feel lucky to be 'chosen'. They have a void that cannot usually be filled that easily. You will have to work hard and realise that you may not be able to heal their wound and not to take it personally if you can't.

  • We have adopted a sibling group of 7. Actually, we adopted the first 5 and now we have custody of the 2 youngest, but to me, they are ours adoption or not. Having 7 natural siblings is the most amazing, beautiful, breathtaking thing I have ever done. They look alike, act alike, even have similar disabilities. I love them so much and I feel surrounded by their biology, even if we are not their biological mothers. The only thing that breaks my heart about it is that we couldn't take the oldest because of his mental problems and him hurting the others. But we still have visits with him and I think about him every single day. I love him, too. I cannot tell you how a sibling group will mix with your other 2 children because we don't have any natural children. I just can't tell you how awesome it is to watch my kids every day and see how close they are. I am thankful that we were allowed to keep them together.

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