The reason she said this is that I hate to cry. I'm just not a good 'cryer' so there is nothing refreshing about it for me. After crying, I honestly feel like I've been hit by a bus or something. Also, from years of emotionally abusive relationships, I learned to shut off crying. I'll spare you the hurtful details but basically I learned that crying showed weakness and that I lost respect. If I ever began to cry suddenly a huge wall came down and it just shut off. Sadly, I became very good at this kind of shutting down. After years of this, I found that it was hard to know what I was even feeling! One of my best friends that I lived with for 5 years saw this happen one day. I started to cry about something and my wall came down, the tears were gone, and I just let out a deep sigh. She said it was scary to watch. I didn't even have to try because after so many years it's like my body just learned that response.
So since the woman sharing the lesson had been in my studies she knew that if I cried, the Spirit was softening my heart and it was being cut. Over the years, God has been so gracious and helped me to soften. I'm able to get in touch with my emotions much faster but in the beginning I needed help. So I developed a list of questions to ask myself or to have someone go through and ask me. It's the nerdy administrative side in me coming out but it's helped tremendously!!!
I'm not the only one with the Scarlett O'Hara personality of, "I can't think about that right now, I'll go crazy! I'll think about it tomorrow." *emotion stuffed* So below is my worksheet for getting in touch...may it help you or even someone you know that is wanting to reach the deep things in her heart but is still just working to chip away. This is very detailed so if you go through it then write down your answers or use code you understand so that you can use it to go through the prayers at the end. May God bless your time digging in deep.
- Pray God will help you to search out your emotions.
- Write down what is on your mind and heart or what is bothering you.
- Who is the main person it concerns?
- Decide what emotions you feel.
- What would you like to tell them or have them do?
- Is it wise to express this to them? (take a little time to pray)
- If yes, when…If no, who can relate to you and pray with you about it?
- What quality of God’s character do you need here?
- Do you feel God has his hands around the situation?
- Tell in what ways He has taken a role in it?
- How do you feel toward God?
- Write down what you need to surrender.
- Write down a promise of God that most covers this situation. (see below for some examples)
- Are you mad at yourself in any way? (If yes, answer a-d. If no, answer c & d)
- Why? Decide what emotion you feel about yourself?
- Is this the way God sees you?
- Looking at the Bible, how does God see you?
- Is there anything you can change in yourself?
- List two decision you’ve made to help get resolved:
- Is there anything else that bothers you about this situation or another situation? (If so, then take it back through 2-16)
- Praise God for the time to spend digging into your heart
- Tell God your emotions and surrender them (#2 & #4) (#5 & #12)
- Share with Him your decisions (#7 when/who to pray with & #15)
- Ask Him for growth in all the areas where you can change (#14d) and for trust in His help & promises (#13)
- Pray about getting deep convictions about the quality you need to have of His (#8)
- Reaffirm the way God sees you and the situation (#14c & #10)
Do not fear – Is. 41:10
I am God’s – Hosea 3:19-20
Jesus = peace – John 14:27
Nothing is impossible with God – Luke 1:37
God will wipe away my tears – Rev. 7:17
God loves peace, not disorder – 1 Cor. 14:33
God fights for me – Ex. 14:14