Tuesday, August 21, 2012
The Usefulness of The Cup
I sat there with the Spirit pressing down on me... and when it does then I know I need to open my mouth. So I shared with the group, "That is a real weakness of mine...I want to forgive and forget but I tend to fail. It's something I really need to work on."
I know I've gotten quicker at forgiving but forgetting is not easy for me. Most of the time, even if I forget the exact offense, I have this caution signal that flashes in the back of my mind. I am the type of gal who can give my heart quickly but then when someone hurts me, disrespects me, doesn't treat me the way I try to treat them, then I pull away emotionally and sometimes even physically. I don't know how Jesus did it! I want to be like Jesus.
My problem is I'm full of pride and expectation. Years of abuse. Years of reaping what I sowed. Years of hurt and pain. I know this is why I've taught myself these coping techniques. Honestly, I really hate them but I've not yet unlearned how I've taught myself to respond. Maybe I don't hate them enough yet or maybe I just don't know how to replace them? "The usefulness of the cup is it's emptiness." I'm not a fan of Bruce Lee but this weekend I heard him quoted as saying that and my heart stung.
Sometimes I feel like my cup isn't as useful because it's already full! I really desire for it to be empty. A fresh start for me and for others. What a blessing it is for those who say this is easy for them! If you struggle with forgiving, will you let me know you're there? And if you have any verses or stories that have helped you personally in this area because you struggle too, will you share them with me as well? Thanks so much!