Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Shed Thy Self

Poem by Patrick Kavanagh

Me, I will throw away. Me - sufficient for the day
The sticky self that clings Adhesions on the wings
To love and adventure. To go on the grand tour
A man must be free From self-necessity
See over there a created splendour
Made by one individual From things residual
With all the various Qualities hilarious...
Throw away thy sloth Self, carry off my wrath
With its self-righteous Satirising blotches.
No self, no self-exposure The weakness of the proser
But undefeatable
By means of the beatable
I will have love, have love From anything made of
And a life with a shapely form With gaiety and charm
And capable of receiving With grace the grace of living
And wild moments too, Self when freed from you...

As I write this, I am a few days away from taking a sleep study that the doctor ordered. Currently, outside of work, I'm only awake for 3-4hrs a day. I have 1-2hrs in the morning before work and 2hrs until I fall asleep once I get home.

Me - sufficient for the day
The sticky self that clings
Adhesions on the wings
To love and adventure,

Me. I've grown tired of how small my life is during this particular season. The season where I'm just sufficient for the day's tasks and trying somehow to stick to wings of love and adventure. The 'me' to throw away in my heart is my weaker, sickly sloth self. Though I'm not reluctant to work or move, I do find that my body and mind seem that way.

No self, no self-exposure
The weakness of the proser

Ah, and am I not a proser, clicking the keyboard on this little blog? His point seeming to be that it is a weakness not to expose your true self? So in taking those words in deep, my strength is to share my weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9) Yet for any discouragement I'm feeling, God breaks open my heart through this poem and reminds me that in Christ I am...

...undefeatable
By means of the beatable
I will have love, have love
From anything made of
And a life with a shapely form
With gaiety and charm
And capable of receiving
With grace the grace of living
And wild moments too
Self when freed from you...

How beautiful! I was talking to a dear coworker just yesterday about how freeing and essential it is as Christians to be REAL. So excuse and embrace my realness, please, as I lay out my discouragement on how I'm feeling and yet rejoice with me also because I know whether I get to shed this 'season' soon or get to shed it when I get to heaven...the fact is that it will be shed! And in that...well...in that today I'm celebrating! :)